Unfortunately, ghosting has become a common phenomenon in the dating world. If you’ve been ghosted (which is most of us), you know how frustrating it can be.

Ghosting – as you likely already know – is when someone suddenly stops communicating with another person without any explanation. While both men and women are guilty of ghosting, research suggests that women are more likely to ghost men.

There are probably an infinite number of reasons why women ghost men. But there are a few primary reasons worth looking at.

One reason, of course, is that they may not be interested in pursuing a relationship with the person. In some cases, women may feel pressured to continue dating someone even if they are not interested. Ghosting can be a way for women to avoid confrontation and uncomfortable conversations. Additionally, women may ghost men because they may have met someone else who they are more interested in.

Ghosting is often the result of poor communication skills. Women may not know how to effectively communicate their feelings or may be afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings.

On the other hand, some women may have had traumatic experiences with men in the past and may be hesitant to continue dating someone if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. If a woman is dealing with an emotionally erratic man, ghosting may actually be appropriate.

Again, there are probably an infinite number of reasons why women ghost men. But let’s look at some of the underlying factors that contribute to this behavior.

Understanding Ghosting

Ghosting is a term used to describe the act of abruptly cutting off all communication with someone without any explanation. This phenomenon is not limited to any particular gender or sexual orientation, but it is often associated with women in the dating world.

If you’re a man…you’ve likely been ghosted.

With the rise of online dating and dating apps, ghosting has become far more prevalent in recent years. The ease of communication provided by technology has made it easier for people to connect with each other, but it has also made it easier to disappear without a trace.

Ghosting can be hurtful, confusing, and downright infuriating. But if you are ghosted, it’s important to remember it’s not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. It is simply a choice made by the other person, and you have to respect their decision (as hard as it may be) and move on.

While ghosting can be painful, it is almost inevitable in the modern dating world. By being respectful and understanding of others’ choices, perhaps we can create a more positive and healthier dating culture.

WHY WOMEN GHOST MEN

While men have certainly been known to ghost women, women are now ghosting men more than ever.

Foremost, it’s important to examine your own behavior. If you’re a man who’s been ghosted, do some honest-to-goodness self-reflection. Did you act in a way that was completely inappropriate or offensive? Did you make her feel unsafe or uncomfortable? If so, then maybe the woman was right to ghost you.

Let’s assume, however, that you were a gentleman. You treated the woman with dignity and respect. Maybe you had an absolutely wonderful time. Maybe you even made plans for another date. So, you are completely puzzled as to why you’ve been ghosted.

Understandable.

But no matter how puzzled you are, it will behoove you to stop trying to solve the puzzle. More than likely, you will never get the answer you’re looking for. It’s best to just move on.

Nevertheless, let’s take a look at a few of the reasons why women ghost men:

1. The woman isn’t interested. Simply put, a woman may ghost a man because she just isn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with him. But instead of being upfront and honest about her feelings, she chooses to disappear without a trace. This could be for a number of reasons, a few of which include:

• She is afraid to hurt the man’s feelings.
• She doesn’t want to deal with a potential conflict.
• She is emotionally immature.

2. The woman is overwhelmed. Many women – particularly attractive women – become overwhelmed by the amount of attention they receive on dating apps. They are bombarded with swipes, likes, matches, and messages. With so many options available, it can be difficult for them to keep up.

3. The woman met someone else. A woman may ghost a man because she met someone else to whom she is more attracted. But again, instead of being honest about it, she chooses to disappear without a trace.

4. The woman felt unsafe with you. Again, it’s important to examine your own behavior. Did you act inappropriately? Were you totally creepy and offensive? Were you too aggressive?

Women are security-seeking creatures. And the biggest threat to women are men. A woman must feel safe with you in order to keep spending time with you. If you made her feel unsafe, there’s a good chance she decided to run like hell…and disappear without a trace.

5. The woman sucks. A lot of women can be rude, flaky, entitled, immature, and just plain mean. So can a lot of men. A lot of people just plain suck. It’s an unfortunate reality. Learn to master the the art of moving on.

Those are just a few of the reasons why women ghost men. While there is no excuse for this behavior, it is important to remember that everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do. If you’ve been ghosted, it is up to you to decide how you want to handle the situation. But it’s best to think abundantly and move on.

The Role of Communication Skills

Effective communication is crucial in any relationship, especially in romantic ones. Lack of communication or poor communication skills can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and even breakups.

Women who ghost men may do so because of their perception of the man’s communication skills. And yes, women may lack communication skills themselves.

Impact on Romantic Relationships

Communication skills play a significant role in a relationship’s success. Healthy, mature women who are looking for serious relationships want a partner who can communicate effectively and openly. They want to feel heard and understood, and they want to be able to express their feelings without fear of judgment or rejection.

In the very early stages of dating, women want to get to know their potential partner and determine if they are compatible. If a man is unable to hold a conversation or seems disinterested, it can be a major turn-off.

In a serious relationship, communication is essential for maintaining a healthy and happy partnership. Women want to feel like they can talk to their partner about anything and that their partner is actively listening and responding. If a man is unable to communicate effectively, it can lead to frustration and resentment.

Because communication skills are so important, women may ghost men who lack them. This may seem backwards, given that the very act of ghosting exhibits a lack of communication skills. But nobody said this stuff makes sense.

The point is, it is essential to work on your communication skills if you want to be successful in the dating world and ultimately have a fulfilling relationship.

The Fear of Rejection and Closure

When it comes to dating, the fear of rejection is common for both men and women. However, women may be more likely to ghost men as a result of this fear. The fear of rejection can be especially strong for women who have experienced rejection, abandonment, or trauma in the past.

The need for closure may also be a reason why women ghost men. Some women may feel that they need closure before they can move on from a relationship or date. But closure is not always possible. In some cases, a woman may feel that ghosting is the best way to get closure.

Ironically, being ghosted can also lead a woman to ghost a man. If a woman has been ghosted in the past, she may be more likely to ghost others as a way to protect herself from the pain of being ghosted herself.

Psychological Aspects

Depression and low self-esteem are two common psychological factors that can lead to women ghosting men.

Depression causes feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest in activities that were once enjoyable. Women who experience depression may feel overwhelmed by the prospect of maintaining a relationship, and may choose to end things abruptly without explanation.

Low self-esteem can also be a contributing factor to ghosting. Women who don’t feel good about themselves may feel unworthy of love and affection, and may choose to end a relationship before they can be rejected.

Emerging adults – who are in the process of figuring out who they are and what they want out of life -may be particularly susceptible to these psychological factors. They may feel overwhelmed by the pressures of adulthood, and may not have the emotional maturity to handle the ups and downs of a relationship. As a result, they may choose to end things abruptly without explanation.

The Need for an Explanation

When a woman decides to ghost a man, it is often because she feels that she cannot provide a satisfactory explanation for her behavior. This could be because she is not interested in the man, or because she is afraid of hurting his feelings. In either case, the woman may feel that it is better to simply stop communicating with the man rather than risk causing him any further discomfort.

Remember: Women are security-seeking creatures. A woman may feel the need to ghost a man because she doesn’t feel safe providing an explanation. In some cases, men may become aggressive or even violent when they are rejected. So, it stands to reason that women who have experienced this type of behavior in the past may be hesitant to provide an explanation.

Women may also ghost men as a warning. If a man has exhibited behavior that makes a woman uncomfortable or unsafe, she may choose to end all communication with him without providing an explanation. This can be a way of sending a message that the man’s behavior is not acceptable and that he needs to change if he wants to have any chance of a relationship with a woman.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are SOME common reasons WHY WOMEN GHOST men?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as every woman’s reasons for ghosting a man may be different. However, some common reasons include lack of interest, feeling overwhelmed or pressured, feeling unsafe, or simply not wanting to hurt the man’s feelings by being direct.

CAN A MAN avoid being ghosted by women?

There is no guaranteed way to avoid being ghosted, as it is an unfortunate reality in the modern dating world. However, men can take steps to reduce the likelihood of it happening. This includes being respectful and attentive to a woman’s needs and boundaries, avoiding coming on too strong too quickly, and communicating openly and honestly.

What are the signs that a woman is about to ghost a man?

Signs that a woman may be about to ghost a man include sudden changes in communication patterns, like taking longer to respond to messages or being less engaged in conversation. Other signs may include canceling plans frequently or making excuses for not being able to spend time together.

Is it appropriate to ask a woman why she ghosted you?

While it is understandable to want closure and answers, it is not always appropriate to ask a woman why she ghosted you. It is important to respect her decision and boundaries, and to focus on moving on and finding closure in other ways.

What does ghosting say about a woman’s emotional maturity?

Ghosting does not necessarily reflect on a woman’s emotional maturity. Indeed, she may be immature. But there may be a variety of reasons why she chose to ghost someone. Try to avoid making assumptions or judgments about a woman’s character based on this behavior – it doesn’t serve you.

Can a woman who ghosted a man come back?

Anything is possible. A woman who ghosted a man may come back. If she does, it is important for the man to approach the situation with caution and to consider the reasons why she ghosted him in the first place. It is just as important to communicate openly and honestly about expectations and boundaries moving forward.

Tony

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.

www.tonyendelman.com

The post Why Women Ghost Men: A Closer Look at a Dating Phenomenon appeared first on The Integrated Man Cave.

Many men are afraid to approach women, whether it’s in a romantic context or merely to strike up a friendly conversation. This fear can be paralyzing, preventing many men from socializing with women altogether.

There are many reasons why men are afraid to talk to women. These reasons are complex and multifaceted, and they can vary from individual to individual.

Are you afraid of talking to women?

Understanding why you’re so afraid of talking to women is crucial to overcoming your fear. Some men may fear rejection, while others may worry about being perceived as creepy or inappropriate. And some men simply lack social skills or feel inadequate in the presence of women.

Whatever the reason, it’s important to recognize that this fear is a common experience for many men and that it can be overcome with the right strategies and support.

Understanding Your Fear of Talking to Women

When it comes to talking to women, many men experience a great deal of fear and anxiety. Are you one of these men? Understanding the underlying reasons for your fear can help you overcome it so you can experience a more satisfying dating and social life.

Fear of Rejection

One common reason why men fear talking to women is the fear of rejection. This fear can be especially strong for men who have experienced rejection in the past or who struggle with low self-esteem. They may worry that if they approach a woman and are rejected, it will confirm their worst fears about themselves.

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

For some men, the fear of talking to women can be so intense that it leads to anxiety and panic attacks. These men may experience physical symptoms like sweating, shaking, and heart palpitations when they think about approaching a woman. This can make it even more difficult for them to overcome their fear and engage in social situations.

Fear of Women

Believe it or not, some men fear talking to women because they are afraid of women themselves. This can stem from a variety of sources, including past experiences of trauma or abuse, cultural messages about gender roles, or internalized beliefs about women’s power.

Men who fear women may worry that they will be controlled by them, or that they will not be able to live up to their expectations.

The Role of Emotion

When it comes to why men are so afraid to talk to women, emotions can play a significant role. Many men have been conditioned to suppress their emotions and refrain from showing any vulnerability, which can make it difficult for them to express themselves to women.

HIDING Pain

Men often feel pressure to hide their pain, whether it be physical or emotional. This can make it challenging for them to open up to women, as they fear being judged or seen as weak. Additionally, men may not have the tools to deal with pain in a healthy way, which can lead to further emotional distress.

Anger and Toxic Shame

Men may also struggle with feelings of anger and toxic shame, which can make it difficult for them to communicate effectively with women. Anger can be a defense mechanism that men use to avoid feeling vulnerable, while toxic shame can make them feel unworthy of love and connection.

Sadness and Stress

Sadness and stress can also make it challenging for men to talk to women. Men may feel like they have to be strong and stoic, which can make it difficult for them to show vulnerability and express their feelings. Stress can make it difficult for men to focus and communicate effectively, which can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication.

Societal Influences

Societal influences seem to play a significant role in shaping men’s behavior and attitudes towards the fairer gender. Here are just some of the factors that may contribute to why men are afraid to talk to women.

Masculinity and Courage

Men are often socialized to believe that they should always be strong, brave, and in control. This can lead to a perpetual fear of appearing weak or vulnerable in front of women. Many men worry that if they approach a woman and get rejected, it will damage their masculinity.

This fear of social emasculation can prevent men from taking risks and approaching women they find attractive.

Risk Perception

Many men have a perception of risk that may also contribute to their fear of talking to women. Men often worry that approaching a woman could lead to rejection, embarrassment, or even violence. This fear may be heightened in certain environments, such as bars or clubs, where alcohol and other factors may increase the likelihood of conflict.

Men also worry about the potential consequences of misreading a woman’s signals or intentions.

THE University Environment

The university environment seems to play a major role in shaping young men’s attitudes towards women. In some cases, men may feel pressure to conform to certain social norms and expectations.

Many young men think that in order to fit in, they must pursue women or be sexually involved with women. This pressure can lead to a fear of social ostracism.

Additionally, the prevalence of sexual harassment and assault on college campuses can make some men hesitant to approach women for fear of being perceived as a threat.

Sexual Harassment Concerns

Concerns about sexual harassment claims in the aftermath of the #MeToo movement now play a role in why men are afraid of talking to women. Many men worry that their actions or words could be misinterpreted as harassment or that they could face negative consequences if they approach women inappropriately.

This fear can lead to a reluctance to engage with women in any meaningful way, which can ultimately harm both men and women by limiting opportunities for social interaction and connection.

Relationship Dynamics

When it comes to relationships between men and women, there are certain dynamics that can make men feel afraid to talk to women. Understanding these dynamics can help you overcome your fears and approach women with confidence.

Approaching Women

Approaching women can be terrifying for many men, especially if they fear rejection or embarrassment. Men may worry about saying the wrong thing or coming across as creepy.

If you’re one of these men, you can overcome these fears by building your social skills and learning how to read social cues. By practicing good communication and paying attention to nonverbal cues, you can learn to approach women in a respectful and confident way, which women actually like.

ATTRACTION and Dating

Attraction and dating can also be sources of anxiety for men. Many men worry about being charming enough to attract women or making a good impression on a first date. To overcome these fears, men most focus on being their authentic selves and developing their own unique style. By being authentic and genuine, men will attract women who appreciate them for who they really are.

Intimacy in Relationships

Many men also fear intimacy in relationships with women. They may worry about being vulnerable or getting their hearts broken. To overcome these fears, men can work on building trust and emotional connection with their partners. By communicating openly and honestly, men can create a safe and supportive environment for intimacy to flourish.

OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF TALKING TO WOMEN: ThERAPY & COACHING

While the stigma around mental health has thankfully diminished, many men still shy away from going to therapy. But therapeutic interventions can be a very effective way for men to overcome their fears of talking to women.

If you are afraid to talk to women, therapy can help you identify and work through any underlying issues that may be causing your fear, such as past traumas or negative experiences. Additionally, therapy can provide you with tools and strategies to manage your anxiety and build your confidence.

Benefits of Therapy

Indeed, therapy can be beneficial if you are struggling with fear and anxiety around women. Some of the benefits of therapy include:

• Improved self-awareness
• Increased self-confidence
• Better communication skills
• Reduced anxiety and stress
• Improved relationships with women

Couples Therapy

If you are in a relationship, couples therapy can be a helpful way to work through your fears of talking to women – particularly your wife. Couples therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment for both you and your partner to discuss your feelings and work through any issues that may be impacting your relationship.

Role of Empathy

Empathy is an important component of therapy for men who are afraid to talk to women. Therapists can use empathy to help men feel heard and understood, which can help to build trust and rapport.

Additionally, therapists can help men develop empathy for women, which can be a key factor in overcoming their fears. By understanding and empathizing with women’s experiences, men can begin to see them as individuals rather than as a source of fear or anxiety.

Overall, therapeutic interventions can be a valuable tool for men who are struggling with fear and anxiety around women. By working with a therapist, men can gain the skills and confidence they need to build healthy relationships with women and overcome their fears.

COACHING

While therapy is helpful, much of therapy focuses on the past and the why (childhood trauma, negative experiences, etc.). Coaching, on the other hand focuses on the now and the how. In other words: Where are you now, where do you want to go, and how do you get there.

This is why coaching can be so powerful, especially when it comes to overcoming your fear of talking to women.

There are a variety of options for men out there, from dating and relationships coaches, to attraction coaches, to pickup artists. You can work with a coach individually, join a group program, attend a workshop or seminar, or participate in a pickup bootcamp. Many coaches also have podcasts, online courses, and YouTube channels that show you step-by-step how to overcome your fear of talking to women.

Coaches will give you homework, challenge you, and hold you accountable. Some coaches will take you to a public place and force you to approach women.

Working with a coach is undoubtedly one of the best ways to overcome your fear of talking to women and develop more confidence.

ADDITIONAL STRATEGIES

Confidence Building

One of the main reasons men are so afraid to talk to women is a lack of confidence. If you have a low opinion of yourself, you can start building your confidence by focusing on your strengths and accomplishments.

Additionally, you can work on improving your physical appearance. What can you control? What will make you more attractive? You may not be able to change things like your height or your age (which don’t matter much, anyway). But you can take care of yourself.

Hit the gym. Tone up your body. Maintain good hygiene. Dress well. Think about the image you want to project to the world?

You can also build confidence through positive self-talk and visualization. If you constantly tell yourself that you’re a loser, you will come to believe it. And women will sense it. Instead, visualize yourself successfully interacting with women and receiving positive feedback.

Practice and Exposure

Perhaps the very best way to overcome a fear of talking to women is through practice and exposure. In other words: Talk to more women!

Start by talking to women in non-threatening situations, such as in social gatherings or through online dating. Practice active listening, which involves paying attention to what the woman is saying and responding appropriately.

Talk to women everywhere you go. Drop any agenda you may have. Let go of attachment to outcome. The more you talk to women, the less afraid you’ll be.

Women are just flawed, imperfect human beings like the rest of us.

With enough practice and exposure, you’ll become completely comfortable when talking to women.

Do Women Want to be Approached?

Today, many men wonder if women even want to be approached in the first place. The answer is YES! Women do want to be approached. But it’s important to approach them in the right way.

As Will Smith says in the movie Hitch, “No woman wakes up and thinks: I hope I don’t get swept off my feet today.”

Approaching a woman in a respectful and genuine manner can lead to an amazing conversation and a potentially great connection. Of course, not all women want to be approached in the same way. Some women may prefer to be approached in a more casual setting, while others may prefer a more formal approach.

Some women may not want to be approached at all. That’s okay.

You are not bad for approaching a woman. You did not do anything wrong. But you must approach if you are going to get over your fear of talking to women.

There’s no reason to be so afraid to talk to women. They are just human beings. Take them down off the pedestal.

And remember: many women do want to be approached. As long as you approach them in a respectful and genuine manner, you will probably make their day, even if they aren’t interested. More importantly, you’ll quickly get over your fear.

Tony

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.

www.tonyendelman.com

The post Why Are Men so Afraid to Talk to Women? appeared first on The Integrated Man Cave.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health condition that affects a person’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior, making it difficult for them to regulate their emotions and form stable relationships. If your wife has BPD, you may feel like you are walking on eggshells, never knowing what will trigger her next outburst.

One of the hallmarks of BPD is intense and unstable relationships. This can manifest in a variety of ways, including idealizing and devaluing a partner, constantly feeling abandoned or rejected, and experiencing intense jealousy or possessiveness.

Living with a wife who has BPD can be emotionally exhausting, and it may be difficult for you to maintain a healthy and stable relationship. Foremost, you should know that every relationship is a choice. If you think you need to leave the relationship, you can and you should.

It is also important to note that BPD can be treatable. With the right course of treatment, people with BPD can manage their symptoms and lead fulfilling lives.

If your wife has BPD, it is important to encourage her to seek professional help and to educate yourself about the condition. With patience, understanding, and support, you may be able to have a healthy and loving relationship.

Understanding BPD

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that greatly affects a person’s behavior, emotions, and relationships. It is characterized by instability in mood, self-image, and interpersonal relationships. People with BPD may have intense and unstable relationships and an ever-present fear of abandonment. People with BPD may also engage in impulsive and self-destructive behavior.

Causes of BPD

The exact causes of BPD are not totally known, but it is believed to be a combination of genetic, environmental, and social factors. Childhood abuse, neglect, or trauma may increase the risk of developing BPD. Additionally, people with BPD may have a history of unstable or invalidating relationships.

Symptoms of BPD

BPD is characterized by a range of symptoms: These include:

• Abrupt changed in mood
• Impulsive or self-destructive behavior
• Anxiety
• Fear of abandonment
• Idealization and devaluation
• Dissociation
• Suicidal ideation
• Risk-taking behavior

People with BPD may also experience dichotomous thinking, where they see things as all good or all bad.

BPD and Relationships

Borderline Personality Disorder typically has a significant impact on romantic relationships. People with BPD may struggle with instability in their relationships, including idealization and insecurity, self-sabotage, and fear of abandonment. They may also engage in impulsive behaviors that can damage the relationship.

As much as you may love your spouse, it is important to ask yourself if the relationship is sustainable. Are you willing to do what is necessary to navigate an intimate relationship with someone who has BPD? You shouldn’t feel bad about leaving someone with BPD (or leaving any relationship that doesn’t work for you).

BPD and Violence

While not all people with BPD are violent, there is a higher risk of physical violence in relationships involving someone with BPD. This may be due to impulsive behavior, intense emotions, and fear of abandonment.

Again, BPD can be treatable. Therapy can help manage symptoms and thus improve your relationship. If your wife is struggling with BPD, do what you can do get her to seek professional help.

Living with a Spouse with BPD

Living with a wife who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is both challenging and exhausting. It is crucial to understand that BPD is a mental health disorder that affects a person’s emotions and behavior. It is not a choice or a character flaw.

Challenges

Living with a spouse with BPD can be challenging due to the instability in their mood, changes in behavior, and fear of abandonment. They may have difficulty with communication, and their impulsive behavior can put them and others at risk.

While it is difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who has BPD, it isn’t necessarily impossible. Still, you have the power to decided if you should stay or leave.

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

Maintaining a healthy relationship with a spouse with BPD requires a tremendous amount of patience, understanding, and support. It is important to communicate openly and honestly with your spouse and to seek professional help when necessary.

You should also try to educate yourself about BPD and its symptoms to better understand your spouse’s behavior. Here are some recommended resources on Borderline Personality Disorder:

• Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T Mason & Randi Kreger
• I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me by Jerold J. Kriesman & Hal Straus
• Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder by Shari Y. Manning

Tools for Coping

There are several tools that can help you cope with living with a spouse with BPD. These include:

• Setting boundaries
• Practicing self-care
• Seeking support from family and friends
• Therapy

It is also important to have a plan in place for dealing with impulsive behavior or self-harm.

Dealing with Fear of Abandonment

Fear of abandonment is one of the most common symptoms of BPD, and it can be challenging to deal with as a spouse. If you’ve decided that your relationship is worth keeping, it is important to reassure your wife that you are committed to the relationship and to be consistent in your actions. You can also work together to develop coping strategies for when the fear of abandonment becomes overwhelming.

Handling Impulsive Behavior

Impulsive behavior is another common symptom of BPD. But it isn’t something you need to tolerate. It is important to set boundaries and to communicate openly about the consequences of impulsive behavior. You can also work together to develop strategies for managing impulsivity.

Again, with patience, understanding, and support, it is not impossible to maintain a healthy relationship with a woman who has BPD. Educate yourself about BPD and its symptoms, seek professional help when necessary, and have a plan in place for dealing with impulsive behavior or self-harm. Remember to take care of yourself and to seek support from family and friends.

Treatment Options for BPD

Because Borderline Personality Disorder is a complex mental health condition, it generally requires a comprehensive treatment plan. Treatment for BPD typically involves a combination of therapy and medication.

Therapy for BPD

Psychotherapy is perhaps the cornerstone of BPD treatment. Therapy can help people with BPD learn to manage their emotions, improve their relationships, and develop coping skills.

One type of therapy that has been shown to be particularly effective for BPD is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). DBT was developed in the 1970s by Marsha Linehan, an American psychologist. A type of cognitive behavioral therapy, DBT helps people accept the reality of their lives and their behaviors, and provides tools to change unhelpful behaviors.

Other types of therapy that may be helpful for individuals with BPD include psychodynamic therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and schema-focused therapy. It’s important to work with a mental health professional who has experience treating BPD to determine which type of therapy is best for you and your wife.

Medication for BPD

While medication is not the primary treatment for BPD, it can be helpful in managing some of the symptoms associated with the condition. Medications that may be prescribed for BPD include antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics.

Providing Emotional Support

When your wife has borderline personality disorder (BPD), providing emotional support can be crucial to stabilizing her mood and helping her navigate daily life. Emotional support can take many forms, such as listening, validating her feelings, and offering encouragement. It is important to understand that providing emotional support is not a one-time event, but rather a continuous process that requires patience and empathy.

On a daily basis, try to create a safe and supportive environment for your wife. This can involve setting aside time to talk and listen to her concerns, as well as offering reassurance and encouragement when she is feeling down. It is important to validate her feelings and let her know that you understand what she is going through. This can help her feel less alone and more supported.

Stabilizing mood swings is an important aspect of providing emotional support. When your wife is experiencing intense emotions, it can be helpful to remind her to use coping skills like deep breathing, mindfulness, or grounding techniques. You can also offer to participate in activities that she enjoys, such as going for a walk or watching a movie together.

To have a successful relationship with someone who has BPD, you must be willing to work through challenges together. Remember: Your wife’s emotions and behaviors may be difficult to understand at times, but you must remain calm and patient as best you can. With time and effort, you may be able to build a relationship that can weather the ups and downs of BPD.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I support my wife with borderline personality disorder?

Supporting a partner with borderline personality disorder can be challenging, but there are some strategies that can be helpful. First and foremost, it’s important to educate yourself about the disorder and its symptoms. This can help you better understand your partner’s behavior and respond in a more compassionate and effective way. It’s also important to encourage your partner to seek professional treatment and to be supportive of their efforts to manage their symptoms. Finally, make sure to take care of yourself and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed.

What are some effective treatments for borderline personality disorder?

There are several treatments that have been shown to be effective for borderline personality disorder, including dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and medication. DBT is a type of therapy that focuses on helping individuals regulate their emotions and improve their interpersonal skills, while CBT focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. Medication can also be helpful in managing symptoms such as anxiety or depression.

How can I communicate with my wife who has borderline personality disorder?

Communication can be challenging when your wife has borderline personality disorder, but there are some strategies that can be helpful. First, it’s important to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. It’s also important to be clear and direct in your communication, and to avoid making assumptions about your partner’s thoughts or feelings. Finally, it can be helpful to take breaks from difficult conversations and to come back to them when both partners are feeling calmer.

What are some coping strategies for living with a wife who has borderline personality disorder?

Living with someone with borderline personality disorder can be challenging, but there are some coping strategies that can be helpful. First, it’s important to set boundaries and communicate them clearly to your wife. It’s also important to take care of your own mental health and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed. Finally, it can be helpful to practice self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies.

Is it really possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder?

It is possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder, but it can take a tremendous amount of work and dedication from both partners. It’s important to have open and honest communication, to set boundaries, and to be supportive of each other’s efforts to manage symptoms. Seeking professional treatment can also be helpful in improving the health of the relationship.

What are some common misconceptions about Borderline Personality Disorder?

There are several misconceptions about borderline personality disorder that can be harmful and stigmatizing. One common misconception is that individuals with borderline personality disorder are manipulative or attention-seeking, when in fact their behavior is often a result of intense emotional pain and fear of abandonment. Another misconception is that borderline personality disorder is untreatable, when in fact there are effective treatments available. Finally, it’s important to remember that individuals with borderline personality disorder are not defined by their diagnosis and are capable of living fulfilling and meaningful lives.

Tony

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.

www.tonyendelman.com

The post Does Your Wife have Borderline Personality Disorder? Here’s What You Should Know appeared first on The Integrated Man Cave.

Well, the short answer is: They don’t.

Let’s get that out of the way.

Women don’t actually like assholes. They don’t want assholes and they don’t seek out assholes. Most women just want a MAN. A man with a spine and a set of balls.

Unfortunately, many men today are soft and weak. They are approval-seeking, people-pleasing Nice Guys who can’t figure out why women don’t like them.

Women don’t always act in their own best interest. And while they don’t go looking for assholes, they often find themselves attracted to assholes.

Why?

Because assholes (and bad boys and jerks) often have the characteristics that women find attractive. Assholes tend to exude strength, confidence, and masculinity. Assholes are more honest. Assholes create tension. Assholes embrace their sexuality And assholes aren’t needy.

Let’s take a closer look at why women seem to like assholes (and not Nice Guys).

WOMEN ARE SECURITY-SEEKING CREATURES

Throughout our evolutionary history, women have been exceedingly – and horrifyingly – vulnerable. Generally speaking, women are physically smaller and weaker. They carry babies and often have children around them. Women have never felt safe walking this planet. 

In tribal times, women looked to men to be their providers and protectors. They relied on the tribe for physical and emotional security.

Of course, times have changed.

Women today can adequately take care of their own needs in society. They live on their own. They succeed on their own. They thrive on their own. They kick ass on their own. They don’t actually need men.

Still, Mother Nature wired women to turn to men to be their primary security system. And you can’t really argue with Mother Nature. Whether they know it or not, most women today are seeking emotional security from men (more so than financial security). 

Sadly, most women have been repeatedly let down by men in their lives. This pattern often began with their fathers and continued to play out in their relationships with passive, unavailable, or abusive men. Women will often attempt to take the lead in relationships because they believe it’s all they can do to feel safe, which can make them seem moody, controlling, and angry. 

Women feel best when they feel safe and secure – and for the Feminine, emotional security is often a fleeting experience. Let this sink in. Knowing this can bring you into higher consciousness.

Consider this: When you are in the presence of a woman (particularly your partner, girlfriend, or spouse), and you are anxious, passive, weak, and constantly seeking the approval of others, how do you think the woman feels around you?

Do you think she feels safe and secure? 

Remember: women are security-seeking creatures.

PRO TIP: The next time you find yourself arguing with your woman – or any woman – because she is behaving in a way you don’t understand, pause and ask yourself: Am I behaving in a way that makes her feel secure? There’s a good chance you’re not. And there’s a good chance she’s behaving the way she is because her sense of security has been threatened.  

ASSHOLES EXUDE STRENGTH, CONFIDENCE, & MASCULINITY

Because women are security-seeking creatures, they want men who are strong, confident, and masculine. And assholes tend to exude these qualities.

Again, most women want a man with a spine and a set of balls.

The asshole will approach a woman with a confident smirk and introduce himself. The Nice Guy will ogle her from the corner and fantasize about what it would be like to approach her.

The asshole will flirt with a woman. He will tease her, touch her, and say what’s on his mind. The Nice Guy will bend to her will.

The asshole sets boundaries, stands up for himself, and makes his needs a priority. The Nice Guy does none of these things.

Men who have Nice Guy Syndrome are generally timid and insecure around women. The put women up on pedestals. They’re terrified of doing or saying anything that might upset a woman. They hide parts of themselves – especially their sexuality. They are constantly seeking approval and validation.

Assholes may be assholes. But they make women feel something. Nice Guys don’t. In fact, Nice Guys are remarkably skilled at making women feel absolutely nothing. Women want to feel something.

There’s an evolutionary component to this as well. Research shows that during a menstrual cycle, women are even more attracted to men who exhibit strength and masculinity. Why? Because strength and masculinity suggest better quality genes. Women find this more attractive – even at an unconscious level – when they are most fertile because Mother Nature wired us to procreate.

Again, assholes, bad boys, and jerks exhibit the traits that feminine creatures are looking for (strength, confidence, and masculinity). If there’s one thing that separates the Bad Boy from the Nice Guy, it’s that Bad Boys aren’t completely weak around women.  

So think about your interactions with women. Where are you exhibiting weakness? How can you exhibit more strength?

PRO TIP: If you’re ever in a predicament with a woman, ask yourself: What’s the strongest course of action here? Let’s say a woman you’re dating doesn’t respond to your text messages.  The weakest course of action is to be anxious and needy and bombard her with more messages. The strongest course is to move on with your life and ignore her until she gets back to you. 

ASSHOLES ARE MORE HONEST

Right now, you might be thinking: Assholes aren’t honest. Don’t they lie, cheat, and steal?

In some cases, yes. There are some terrible men out there. There are definitely some real assholes. Nevertheless, assholes – at least the kind of assholes we’re talking about – are more honest about their feelings, which makes them more attractive to women.

Nice Guys rarely tell the truth because they are too afraid. They hide parts of themselves. They withhold information. They say what they think other people want to hear. Nice Guys will do anything to avoid conflict.

Assholes, on the other hand, don’t hold back. They blurt things out. They stand up for themselves. They don’t care what other people think and they aren’t afraid of conflict.

An asshole will tell a woman exactly what he thinks.

Meanwhile, Nice Guys are always trying to figure out how to be or what to do to make women happy. But this isn’t actually nice. It’s manipulative and inauthentic, and it manifests in Nice Guys using covert contracts.

When a man is brutally honest with a woman, it shows her that he isn’t weak. It shows her that he isn’t afraid of her, and he’s willing to confront her about things he doesn’t like.

PRO TIP: Practice telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. As Dr. Robert Glover often says, “A woman can handle an uncomfortable truth, but she can’t handle being lied to.”

ASSHOLES CREATE TENSION

Call it what you want: tension, polarity, energy, push-pull, anxiety. Women need to feel these things to experience attraction. Women need to feel some degree of tension. Why do you think women love soap operas? Tension.

Let’s look at a classic scenario that exhibits why the Nice Guy will almost always lose out to the asshole:

A woman recently started dating two guys. 

She calls the first guy and he doesn’t answer. So she starts thinking about him. She’s wondering what he’s doing. Wondering if he even likes her. Envisioning what it would be like to be with him. Fantasizing. Daydreaming. Wondering if he’s with another woman. Hoping he’s not. Where is he? When’s he going to call back?

Finally, around six hours later he calls back. They chat for a few minutes and then the man announces that he has to go.

The women then calls the second guy and he answers right away. They have a nice conversation that lasts nearly an hour.  

Which man do you figure the woman is thinking about more?

Who created more tension? Who caused a stirring in her loins? Who do you think she’s more attracted to at this point?

You’re right if you said the first guy (even though the second guy might be healthier for her).

Again, women often go for assholes because they create tension. Assholes might be constantly unavailable. Assholes might lie or cheat. They might even be abusive. But this actually keeps women connected. It activates a woman’s biological programming. Kind of sad, but true.

As an example, my ex-girlfriend Katie is an absolutely amazing and beautiful woman. When we met, she had just gotten out of abusive relationship that she stayed in for 18 years Yes, 18 years! The guy is an absolute psycho – a real asshole – but the tension and the drama kept Katie hooked.

As you may have guessed, Nice Guys absolutely hate tension. They’ll do anything to kill it by people-pleasing and seeking approval, and by acting like puppy dogs.

Again, assholes make women feel something. Nice Guys don’t. Nice Guys are predictable and boring, and don’t do anything to create tension. Even if an asshole creates tension and makes a woman feel miserable, at least she feels something. 

ASSHOLES EMBRACE THEIR SEXUALITY

Many men – particularly Nice Guys – don’t embrace their sexuality. Or they have sexual shame. But sex is a natural, wonderful part of being human. We are all sexual beings. Men like sex and women like sex.

Unfortunately, many men think women don’t like sex. Not to mention that many men are afraid of rejection or doing anything that might even slightly upset a women.

Men are often afraid to bring their sexual agenda to the table.

But repressing your sexuality and hiding your sexual agenda only gets you one thing – a one-way ticket to the Friend Zone.

This is why Nice Guys have less than satisfying sex lives while assholes seem to be having all the fun.

Nice Guys don’t embrace their sexuality.

Meanwhile, assholes celebrate the fact that they are sexual creatures who enjoy sex.

Assholes aren’t shy about their sexuality. Assholes flirt. They tease. They will make a conversation sexual to test for interest.

Women aren’t stupid. They know why we’re talking to them. So, why hide it?

This doesn’t mean you should be overtly offensive or assertive – especially with a woman you’ve just met. But when you hide your sexuality and act like a woman’s friend, you’re basically telling her that you don’t have the confidence to be a man, ask her out, and make a move to seduce her. 

As Dr. Robert Glover likes to say, “Women don’t put men in the friend zone. Men put themselves there.”

Remember, women are attracted to strength and confidence. If you act like a woman’s girlfriend, you look weak. Period. 

PRO TIP: Work at overcoming your sexual shame. Get comfortable with your sexuality. Practice bantering and flirting.

ASSHOLES AREN’T NEEDY

Bestselling author Mark Manson wrote, “Neediness is the root of all unattractive behavior. Neediness is when you prioritize what others think of you over what you think of yourself.”

Manson isn’t wrong. Neediness might just be the fastest way to turn someone off.

Nice Guys tend to be overwhelmingly needy. They are constantly seeking approval and validation. They’ll bend over backwards to make a woman happy. Part of this is due to their deprivation thinking. They see the world as a place of scarcity. They believe that if they are lucky enough to date an attractive woman, they must hold on to her for dear life because they will never meet another one.

Nice Guys will blow up a woman’s phone. Nice Guys will respond to a woman’s text immediately. Nice Guys will rearrange their schedules to be with a woman. Nice Guys will buy a woman gifts, run a woman’s errands, and do a woman favors just to win her affection.

Assholes don’t do any of that.

Assholes don’t need anyone’s approval or validation. Assholes don’t bend over backwards to make women happy.

Assholes see the world as a place of abundance. They know that if it doesn’t work out with one woman, there are billions of other women out there.

Assholes don’t make themselves constantly available. Assholes don’t bent to a woman’s will.

The bottom line: Assholes aren’t needy. They have a take-it-or-leave-it attitude. Assholes are the opposite of needy: They are indifferent. And when it comes to attraction, indifference makes all the difference.

PRO TIP: Drop the needy behavior. Start focusing on yourself and creating what Dr. Robert Glover calls a “great cake of a life.” Spend time with your guy friends, immerse yourself in your hobbies and passions, make your needs a priority. Invite a woman to be the icing on your great cake. Work at seeing the world more abundantly.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AN ASSHOLE

This is where you must try to let go of your black-and-white thinking, which is a common trait amongst Nice Guys.

You do not have to go from one extreme to the other. You do not have to go from approval-seeking Nice Guy to raging dickhead.

You don’t have to be an asshole.

Again, women aren’t actually looking for assholes. Women are looking for men.

The opposite of a Nice Guy is not an asshole. The opposite of a Nice Guy is an Integrated Man.

It will serve you well to go through life as a decent human being. But you should work to become an Integrated Man. You can be a good person and still:

• Have confidence
• Exhibit strength and masculinity
• Be honest and transparent
• Embrace your sexuality
• Make your needs a priority
• Stand up for yourself
• Remain mysterious and unpredictable
• Set boundaries
• Bring your sexual agenda to the table
• Banter and flirt with women
• Have a take-it-or-leave it attitude

These are the traits that make assholes attractive to women. You can adopt these traits without actually being an asshole.

Work at become an Integrated Man, and see what unfolds.

Tony

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.

www.tonyendelman.com

The post Why Do Women Like Assholes? appeared first on The Integrated Man Cave.

We often forget that the real purpose of dating is to discover another person’s nature.

“People tend to date unconsciously,” explains Dr. Robert Glover, renown marriage and family therapist and the author of Dating Essentials for Men. “They try and get their new crush to like them, they seduce, they fuse, they rush into sex, they ignore all sorts of red flags. They often live in a fantasy world about what a relationship with someone would be like. Time and time again, I’ve seen first-hand how people begin their relationships and what they end up with months or years later. I’ve also experienced this myself in my first two marriages.”

Given how most of us approach dating, it’s no wonder that nearly all relationships go down the drain that half of all marriages end in divorce, and that only a small fraction of married couples report being happy. The way you date determines the kind of relationship you end up with. And the typical man approaches dating like this:

He doesn’t have a plan. Nor does he have any idea what he wants. He just knows he’s lonely. And he believes that a woman is the remedy for what ails him.

Maybe he gets lucky and meets a woman who shows interest – probably on a dating app. She isn’t all that terrible looking, so he works up the nerve to ask her out. He does his best to make a great first impression. If they hit it off, he starts texting and calling her regularly.

He then gives up most of the things that are important to him to spend as much time with her as possible. If she’s willing, they start having sex. All the while, he turns the other cheek at every warning sign that comes up. The relationship inevitably starts to go south, but he does everything he can to keep it together.

He becomes needy. He panics. He’s riddled with anxiety.

He can’t imagine feeling lonely and having to start the dating process all over again. 

Sound familiar?

If you’ve been down this road, or you’re currently stranded alongside it with no help in sight, then you know how frustrating it is. Most of the time, your approach to dating probably leads to heartbreak, or it leads to getting stuck with someone who either disappoints you or drives you crazy.

But you can reengineer your dating life by taking a more conscious approach. And you can start by reminding yourself of the real purpose of dating.

DATING AS A VEHICLE FOR PERSONAL GROWTH

There’s no denying that modern dating can be an infuriating, time-wasting, mind-boggling endeavor. If done consciously, however, dating can be a vehicle for profound personal growth. 

“Conscious dating is kind of like standing naked, completely exposed in front of every woman in the world and asking if they find you interesting enough to spend time with – and maybe get naked with – despite all your visible and invisible flaws,” describes Dr. Glover.

“But this doesn’t mean it’s about being judged. It’s about making yourself vulnerable and challenging your self-limiting beliefs. If you set the tone, take the lead, and date with consciousness, you’ll increase your odds of meeting an amazing partner.

When it comes to dating, most of us need to learn to slow things down. Again, the purpose of dating is to get to know another person’s nature. This means you must keep your mind and your eyes open.

Much like Dr. Glover, I have seen and experienced first-hand how both men and women date unconsciously and then end up in the middle of a disaster months or years later. I’ve worked with far too many clients whose lives are in shambles all because they got involved with the wrong person.

DATING TO DISCOVER A PERSON’S NATURE

Because many men – especially Nice Guys – date unconsciously and forget the real purpose of dating, they have set the bar fairly low. Many men seem to have just three criteria when evaluating a woman: 

• She’s not bad looking 
• She seems to like me. 
• She’s willing to have sex with me. 

But even if a woman meets all these criteria, you can still end up living in some version of relationship hell. Again, the purpose of dating is to discover another person’s nature. 

Being attractive and wanting to have sex with you may seem like nice qualities, but they are far from the only qualities that make someone worth dating long-term. Instead of trying solely to determine whether or not a woman will spread her legs for you, you’ll be much better off trying to find out the answers to questions like:

• Is she cool?
• Does she share your values?
• Does she come from a good family?
• Does she have the characteristics you are looking for in a partner?
• Do you enjoy spending time with her?
• Is she a good communicator?
• Does she have a sense of humor?
• Are there any red or yellow flags?

This is not to discourage you from having fun. If you are looking purely for sex, there are plenty of women out there who are looking for the same thing. But even a casual sex partner can upend up your life if you’re not mindful. (Just watch Fatal Attraction). 

Let’s assume, though, that you are looking for a relationship with an amazing partner – someone who blesses your life, who brings out the best in you, who is emotionally sound with good values. If you want to find your amazing partner, you must do something different than what you’ve been doing.

You must leave behind your old criteria and date more consciously. As Dr. Glover like to say, “you must go as slowly as possible to find out as quickly as possible what a woman’s nature is.”

WAYS TO DISCOVER A PERSON’S NATURE

Put anyone you date into a variety of situations that allow you to discover their nature. Do this consciously. Observe them to determine if they have the characteristics of someone who could bless your life. 

“To discover a person’s nature,” asserts Dr. Glover, “you need to see how they behave in a lot of different scenarios. Have them ride a bus with you. Take a short trip together. Cook together. Run errands together. Do a lot of different things together in a lot of different settings. You have to do this if you want to find out if someone is going to make a quality long-term partner.”

Here are several other ways you can go as slowly as possible to find out as quickly as possible what a person’s nature is:

• Always be working on your Great Cake of a Life. Invite someone to be the icing on your cake. Welcome them into your world to do the things you love to do. See how they respond. Don’t get caught up in doing things they like to do. Keep living your life. 
• Introduce them to your friends and family and spend time with their friends and family. Pay attention to how she interacts with them and how they interact with her. How she acts with them is eventually how she will act with you.
• Stay off the phone. Don’t chit-chat, don’t text. These are forms of pseudo-communication that create an intense bond without you really getting to know each other. Use the phone (and that includes texting) only to set up in-person dates.
• Always pay attention to what someone does and not what they say. “A potential mate may tell you who she perceives herself to be or who she wants you to perceive her to be,” explains Dr. Glover, “but what she tells you may not match who she really is.” 
• Resist any temptation to fuse, to become enmeshed, to get really close really quickly. The temptation to fuse is generally a feminine trait, but many men want to fuse just as much as women. Don’t fuse with someone who you don’t actually know very well. 

Much of this may dampen your love-at-first-sight fantasies of whirlwind romance. Admittedly, there are few things in life as exhilarating as meeting someone with whom you feel an instant and indescribable chemistry. But love-at-first-sight is often just lust-at-first-sight, and almost never leads to happily-ever-after.

When you go slowly – when you remember the real purpose of dating – you will dramatically increase your odds of meeting a truly amazing partner.

Tony

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.

www.tonyendelman.com

The post The Real Purpose of Dating appeared first on The Integrated Man Cave.

Perhaps you’ve been wondering if you should take a break from dating. Only you can make that decision. But this article should provide some food for thought.

It stands to reason that men who read dating blogs, enroll in dating courses, and hire dating coaches do so because they want to improve their dating skills. And many do improve their dating skills.

Some become so remarkably skilled at dating that they experience the kind of romantic lives about which most men only fantasize. After all, most quality dating coaches – like Dr. Robert Glover, the author of Dating Essentials for Men – don’t teach their principles for chuckles; they teach them because they work.  

Still, even if you do it consciously and effectively, dating can be time-consuming, expensive, and emotionally draining.

For a lot of men, dating can lead to negativity and resentment towards women. It can lead to a distaste for the dating process itself. And it can get in the way of other important things in life. 

Personally, I consciously cycle on and off from dating. When I’m in an off cycle, I don’t even think about dating. Regularly taking a break from dating can be incredibly healthy, even transformative. Funny enough, it can also make you more attractive to women. 

I know lots of other men who consciously cycle on and off from dating, and find it extremely beneficial.

DATING DELUSIONS

Single men – especially single Nice Guys – tend to have illusions about being in a relationship. They notice all the couples in the world and assume those couples are blissfully happy. If you have this tendency, let me assure you that most couples are not as happy as you think they are.

Almost all the relationships you’re observing will come to end, likely in the near future. This may sound negative, but it’s reality. 

Many men also think they must be in a serious relationship by a certain age. And if they’re not, they better double down on trying to find a partner. This too is a false assumption.

We are not all on the same path. There is no magical age by which you need to settle down. You don’t need to settle down at all if it’s not what you want. 

So, if you’ve been actively dating and you feel burnt out or frustrated, or you’re not enjoying it as much as you once did, take a break. 

Learn to be in and appreciate the now. Work on what Dr. Glover calls your Great Cake of a Life.  Spend time with other men. If you don’t have good male friends in your life – if you’re lonely – make solving this problem a priority.

A woman is never going to complete you. 

If you think a woman will complete you, if you make a woman (or trying to find a woman) the focus of your life, you’re going to be miserable. And when you do meet a woman, you’re going to make her miserable. 

THE BENEFITS OF TAKING A BREAK FROM DATING

There are a host of benefits that come with taking a break from dating.

Foremost, taking a break from dating will help you let go of any built-up resentment and negativity towards women. Modern dating can be supremely frustrating, and negative experiences can accumulate. Yes, this is a reality when navigating today’s dating landscape.

When negative dating experiences accumulate, many men fall under the spell of the Red Pill community and other men’s movements. Or they just become bitter. Don’t let this happen. It doesn’t serve you to walk around with built-up resentment.

When you consciously take a break from dating, you’ll learn to enjoy yourself and your own company. It’s perfectly okay to have quiet nights alone. In fact, it’s healthy. After all, you can’t truly love someone else until you love yourself.

Additionally, you’ll have more time and energy to focus on your Great Cake of a Life – your friends, your hobbies, your passions, your physical and emotional health.

Ultimately, you will get so much benefit from taking a break that when you consciously decide to start dating again, you will feel wholly refreshed and revitalized.

“We often mistake the feeling of loneliness for needing for a partner,” says Dr. Glover. “But actually we’ve lost touch with ourselves. Learn to be comfortable with yourself. Aloneness is normal. You need to enjoy your own company. Embrace your alone time as an opportunity to be creative, to pursue your passion, to cultivate your interests, to spend time with guy friends. Seek an adventure, not a woman.”

THE IRONY OF TAKING A BREAK FROM DATING

When men take a break from dating, not only do they reap all the benefits, they often discover the irony of it all.

There’s a good chance that when you’re consciously taking a break from dating, you’ll end up meeting some of the most interesting women.

(Dr. Glover often shares that his two most recent long-term relationships began when he wasn’t actively seeking a partner.)

Indeed, taking a conscious break from dating to focus on the other parts of your life can unexpectedly lead to exciting relationships with some amazing women. 

Just because you aren’t proactively dating doesn’t mean you can’t walk through the doors that open up in front of you.

If you want to master dating and relationships with support from an amazing tribe of men, Integrated Man University is just a click away. Get lifetime access when you join today!

Tony

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.

www.tonyendelman.com

The post Why You Should Take a Break from Dating appeared first on The Integrated Man Cave.

This is kind of silly when when you think about it. We’re all just humans, after all.

In the opening scene of the 2005 movie Hitch, Will Smith, who plays a high-end dating coach for men, proclaims that “No woman wakes up and thinks: I hope I don’t get swept off my feet today.” Granted, Hitch was a formulaic rom-com vomited out by Hollywood to appeal to the masses. But its basic sentiment holds true. Women want you to approach them. 

Nonetheless, approach anxiety is almost ubiquitous among men. But in the current age of online dating, men who approach women in the real world are intoxicating.

When you approach a woman, you exhibit boldness and confidence even if you’re nervous on the inside. And you immediately set yourself apart from most men – because most men never approach women in real life and resort solely to meeting women online.  

As Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy and Dating Essentials for Men, explains, “A single woman essentially lives in a waiting state. She waits for a man to approach and show interest, giving her the opportunity to accept or reject the man. Approaching a woman does not make you a creep or a pervert – unless you lack common sense and act like a creep or a pervert.”

Throughout history, it has largely been angry, toxic feminists who think all men are creeps. This may be shocking to read in these politically correct times. But women have evolved over thousands of years to respond to you as a man.  

So, consider this: It is creepier not to approach than it is to approach. 

Who do you think a woman might find more attractive? The man who walks up to her, gives her a compliment, and introduces himself? Or the man who sits in the corner and ogles her from a distance?

The first man, though he may be nervous, exhibits confidence and charm as a man of action. The second man is just one big creepy turn-off. 

OVERCOMING APPROACH ANXIETY

Every man who struggles to meet women seems to suffer from overwhelming Approach Anxiety, which is likely exacerbated by his equally overwhelming obsession with overcoming it. 

Here is an age-old question: What’s the worst that could happen?

I have never known a man to die from cordially introducing himself to a woman. I don’t  know any men who have been prodded, punched, or publicly shamed for engaging in the same activity. I don’t even know a man who’s had a drink thrown in his face. 

If you were to approach a woman, smile, and introduce yourself, what’s the worst that could happen? If she tells you that she’s not interested or that she has a boyfriend, do you think you could handle it?  Worse yet, if she tells you to f*ck off, do you think you could go on to live a perfectly adequate life? I’m betting you could. 

The thing is, there is no way to completely prevent anxiety.

“As long as you’re alive, as long as you’re challenging yourself and putting yourself in new situations and stepping outside your comfort zone, you are going to feel some degree of anxiety,” affirms Dr. Glover.

“You can manage your anxiety by completely avoiding situations that make you anxious, in which case Mother Nature will still f*ck with you. Or you can learn to soothe your anxiety and do what makes you anxious. At the end of the day, thinking causes anxiety, acting cures it.”

AN 8-POINT PLAN FOR ELIMINATING APPROACH ANXIETY

APPROACHING WOMEN WITH CONGRUENCE

What you are saying and doing should reflect what you are thinking and feeling. This is congruence. And it’s especially important when approaching women. 

If you’re not taking aligned action, if you’re not acting in accordance with your thoughts and feelings, women will pick up on it.  Women can sense whether or not a man is being congruent. If an available woman shows low interest in you, it’s not because she thinks you’re a loser. It’s not because she can see right through you. It’s because she can feel your incongruence. 

This is one of the reasons that classic pickup techniques don’t work and generally come across as inauthentic and creepy. Things like DHV stories, cold reading, peacocking, and magic tricks are dead giveaways to women. These are not authentic forms of communication. They are inherently manipulative, and they probably aren’t congruent with who you are as a man. 

Think about it: If you are not a magician, why the fuck would you do magic tricks for a woman?  

You are also being incongruent when you:

• Approach a woman but repress your interest in her
• Seek someone else’s approval by being what you think they want you to be
• Hide your feelings, thoughts, or agenda
• Try to be a woman’s friend when you really want to fuck her
• Play it safe to avoid upsetting a woman
• Lie or withhold information

Have you ever been spending time with someone, and while you can’t quite put your finger on it, something just seems off about them?  This is what incongruence feels like to a woman. 

A woman will almost always have a negative reaction at an unconscious level when you are being incongruent. She will sense that you are not being you, you are not being present, you are holding back, you are repressing your sexual agenda, and you are trying to get her approval. Consequently, she won’t want to get close. She’ll want to run like hell, even if she doesn’t know why. 

HOW TO APPROACH WOMEN WITH CONGRUENCE

Here are some fundamental things to consider as you work towards approaching women with congruence.

• Begin with you. Get comfortable with yourself and your sexuality. If you don’t like who you are, it’s no wonder you don’t think a woman will. You must value yourself enough to consciously work on you. Change what you can and learn to accept the rest.
• Live a congruent life. Whatever you do, do it 100 percent and in the open. As Dr. Glover likes to say, “Nothing hidden, nothing half-assed.” If you have secrets, reveal them to safe people. Consciously work at being a man of integrity. Do the things that make you happy. Don’t defend yourself to anyone. Stop seeking validations and approval. Pursue your passions. Live in a way that feels right to you. 
• Talk to everyone you meet. By being yourself with all kinds of people, you develop and project congruence. A man who never engages strangers but approaches an attractive woman has no congruence.
• Ask your friends how you come across. Do you have any mannerisms that might be a turn-off? Do you send any uncomfortable signals? Does your body language make you seem unapproachable? Work on these things. 
• Practice being present and real. Be in the moment. Say what comes to mind without apology. Be playful. Use humor. Acknowledge what you’re feeling. 
• Don’t try to hide the reason you’re approaching a woman. Again, women aren’t stupid, and they know why we’re talking to them. There’s no need to repress your sexuality. 

Approaching women with congruence requires you to be honest and be yourself.

As Dr. Glover often suggests, “Be a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of guy. Give women the chance to like you just as you are.”

THE CONFIDENCE CONUNDRUM

If you are anything I was, then you are probably thinking: If women are turned on by confidence but I don’t feel even remotely confident when approaching women, what chance do I have? 

Ah, yes, the ol’ confidence conundrum. 

If confidence is required to have success with women, and success with women is what you need to feel confident, you’ll probably never get a woman. You might as well just stay home and jerk off, right? 

Wrong, obviously. 

This is a self-limiting belief that your mind has concocted to prevent you from having to experience the anxiety that comes with approaching women. 

Of course, approaching women is like any other skill.  You’re probably going to suck at first. And you’re probably going to feel unconfident. But the more you practice, the more confident you’ll become. Eventually, you’ll be able to do it with ease. 

Until then, however, you can interact with women in a way that makes you appear confident, even if you’re riddled with anxiety. And this is how:

• Make eye contact. What do you think you’re communicating if you never look up, never look around, or never make eye contact? Or what if a woman makes eye contact with you and you immediately look away in shame? You need to maintain eye contact, and either smile or approach. Eye contact will trigger an evolutionary response in a woman. Not to mention that you will exhibit confidence. If she looks away or seems uninterested, you aren’t doing anything wrong. (And, yes, there’s a difference between making eye contact and staring. Don’t stare. It’s creepy). 
• Test for interest. This is the foundation for all social interaction. Test for interest everywhere you go with everyone you meet. You don’t need to be a master conversationalist; you just need to be social. Women are attracted to men who are social. 
• Practice the Three Ts. Naturally charismatic men touch women, tease women, and playfully tell them what to do. 

Women may pick up on the meta signals of your anxiety, but most will cut you some slack. Your courage will almost always trump your anxiety. So, own it. Women generally welcome an anxious man if he is congruent and taking aligned action. 

FINAL THOUGHTS ON APPROACH ANXIETY:

Anxiety won’t kill you. It’s an electrical and chemical impulse in your brain. Your anxiety is likely caused by a few basic things: your inaccurate, internalized beliefs about yourself and the world, your lack of experience using effective social skills, your attachment to outcome, and perhaps your unwanted inheritance of an overactive amygdala. 

“If you want something different, you have to do something different,” says Dr. Glover. “It’s really that simple. We make things way too complicated. There’s no magic bullet. The alcoholic has to stop drinking. The porn addict has to stop watching porn. A phobic person has do what frightens him. And the anxious person has to do what makes him anxious.”

Unfortunately, most men are indeed looking for a magic bullet. They want an easy fix. And they never want to feel anxious.

They don’t want to take risks.

They want the gorgeous woman with no baggage, and they want her to make the first move. They don’t want to set the tone and take the lead, they don’t want to face rejection, and they don’t want to have to break up.

They don’t make any changes.

They keep doing what they’ve always done and keep getting what they’ve always got. Then, they feel worse about themselves because they know there are solutions. Usually, they know what they need to do, they just don’t do it. 

It’s time to start doing what you need to do instead of what’s easiest. It’s time to stop making excuses. If you want to overcome your approach anxiety, then you need to approach women.

Approach women until it becomes instinctual. Approach women until you don’t give a fuck about the outcome. 

It’s likely that 80 percent of men stay stuck, while the remaining 20 percent of men get the most out of life. The only difference between these groups of men is their willingness to do what makes them anxious. Which group of men do you want to be in? You get to decide. 

If you want to master dating and relationships with support from an amazing tribe of men, Integrated Man University is just a click away. Get lifetime access when you join today!

Tony

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.

www.tonyendelman.com

The post Overcome Your Approach Anxiety appeared first on The Integrated Man Cave.

Things aren’t so secretive anymore. Men are openly consuming self-help material in massive quantities. Because men want to be better. Men want to be better at dating and better at relationships. Men want to have better lives.

In some ways, dating has gotten harder. In other ways, it’s gotten easier. But there’s no denying that the modern dating landscape can be tricky to navigate. It can also lead to a lot of frustration, negativity, and resentment.

Fortunately, there’s no longer a shortage of dating advice for men. There’s an entire section at the bookstore dedicated to dating and relationship advice. But how do you sort through noise? How do you know which dating books are worthwhile and which aren’t worth a crap?

Keep it simple. Don’t overwhelm or overload yourself with information. These are the 6 best dating books for men. (And these are really all you need.)

THE 6 BEST DATING BOOKS FOR MEN

NO MORE MR. NICE GUY by Dr. Robert Glover

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Dr. Robert Glover, as you probably know, is an internationally recognized marriage & family therapist, a dating & relationship coach, an educator, a public speaker, and a pioneer in men’s self-improvement. Perhaps no other book has impacted the lives of men as profoundly as No More Mr. Nice Guy.

No More Mr. Nice Guy isn’t technically a dating book. In fact, Dr. Glover wrote a dating book called Dating Essentials for Men: The Only Dating Guide You Will Ever Need.

You might expect Dating Essentials for Men to be on this list, and that’s understandable. It’s a fantastic book. And it’s solely about dating. It’s got “Dating” right there in the title.

Nevertheless, No More Mr. Nice Guy tops the list because it is the ultimate guide to becoming a more confident, more authentic, more resilient, and more attractive man. Before you even begin to master the art of dating, you need to master yourself (which makes you attractive to women).

HOW TO BE A 3% MAN by Corey Wayne

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Coach Corey Wayne is a life coach who primarily helps men with dating and relationships. His video newsletter in which he answers reader-submitted questions has made him popular on YouTube. He’s also garnered a following through his website, UnderstandingRelationships.com.

Though he uses a lot of the “Alpha Male” language popular in the manosphere, Coach Corey dishes out a lot of sound advice. And none of it is rooted in anger, negativity, or resentment towards women. He clearly loves and respects women. But he’s not shy about calling out the women who “belong in the streets.”

How to Be a 3% Man is a comprehensive guide to understanding women and succeeding in the dating world. It covers both the dating world and long-term relationships. The book teaches men how to meet and date the type of women they’ve always dreamed of. It’s filled with actionable advice. And it’s easy to see why Coach Corey has such a loyal following.

DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T by Connell Barrett

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The best part about Dating Sucks But You Don’t is the author himself. Connell Barrett is a fantastic writer who had a successful career as a journalist before he became a dating coach. He is the founder of DatingTransformation.com.

Even better, Connell is far from the stereotypical alpha-male pickup artist. He’s a goofy, intellectual, red-headed dork. And that’s what makes this book – and the advice within it – so great.

If a guy like Connell can go from dateless dweeb to confident Casanova, so can you. And Connell shows you exactly how to do it – step by step – in Dating Sucks But You Don’t, which is why it’s one of the best dating books for men. He provides exercises to help you overcome your self-limiting beliefs and fear of rejection. He proves that your looks don’t matter as much as you think they do. And he walks you through how to approach women, start conversations, banter, flirt, and ultimately score a date.

MODELS by Mark Manson

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Yes, long before Mark Manson took over the world with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, he actually spent a few years as a dating coach and wrote a little dating book called MODELS.

It’s awesome.

Manson is undoubtedly a talented writer. The book is well-crafted, funny, and insightful. But more importantly, it strays from conventional (and often manipulative) pickup advice and recommends that men be vulnerable and authentic to attract women.

It’s right there in the title: ATTRACT WOMEN THROUGH HONESTY. And if you follow Manson’s work at all, you can’t deny that he knows what he’s talking about. As is the case for almost everything Manson writes, MODELS presents concepts that are backed by heaps of psychological research.

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If you want to have a great dating life, you first need to know how to create and maintain attraction.

Attraction is one of those concepts that a lot of people claim to be experts in despite the fact that it’s mostly inexplicable. Attraction just kind of happens. It’s either there or it’s not there, for whatever reason.

That’s not to say attraction hasn’t been studied. And that’s the great thing about Atomic Attraction by Cristopher Canwell – one of the best dating books for men. It’s a comprehensive guide to creating and maintaining attraction, and it’s rooted in psychological research. In fact, the book pulls from over 120 scientific studies.

This is not necessarily a well-known book, but it is undoubtedly one of the best and most thoroughly researched books on attraction. Understand the principles in this book (and implement them into your life) and your success in dating will probably skyrocket.

The Tactical Guide to Women by Dr. Shawn T. Smith

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In the introduction to The Tactical Guide to Women, Dr. Shawn T. Smith writes:

The good life isn’t complicated. Financial experts say a person of modest income can retire a millionaire with a bit of planning and execution. Medical experts say a modicum of discipline can add years to your life. Career coaches say you’ll never work a day if you follow your calling.

Personally, I think the good life is largely a matter of avoiding the biggest blunders. You’ve won half the battle the moment you resolve to live within your means and use tequila treat rather than a requirement.

But no matter how attentive a man is toward his finances, his body, and his soul, there’s one mistake that can shatter his hopes and dreams. One single error that can drain his wallet, decimate his faith in humanity, and haunt him for the rest of his days. That granddaddy of all blunders is partnering with the wrong woman.

Hopefully that’s all you need to realize how important this book is.

If you want to master dating and relationships with support from an amazing tribe of men, Integrated Man University is just a click away. Get lifetime access when you join today!

Tony

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.

www.tonyendelman.com

The post 6 Best Dating Books for Men appeared first on The Integrated Man Cave.

If a woman is interested in you, she will likely give off some subtle hints. If you’re lucky, she’ll be up front about it. But most women don’t hold up a sign that says: Hey Jackass, Ask Me Out!

It’s your job to recognize the subtle hints that women drop. More importantly, though, it’s your job to test for interest and take bold action. So, let’s dive in.

SUBTLE SIGNS SHE’S INTERESTED IN YOU

It’s easy to pooh-pooh the idea that women give off signs (or indicators) of interest. A lot of this comes from old pickup material that now seems ridiculous.

But research suggests that women really do send signals of attraction. In fact, psychologist Monica Moore studied over 200 women in common social settings and discovered 52 things they do when they’re attracted to a man. Of those 52 things, these are the top 10:

• Smiling at you
• Shooting short glances your way
• Prolonged eye contact
• Running fingers through her hair
• Licking her lips
• Exposing her neck
• Tilting her heads towards you
• Turning in her seat towards you
• Lightly touching you on the arm or shoulder
• Laughing when you talk

Of the list above, Moore observed that the most common signals are smiling, repeated short glances, and prolonged eye contact.

CONTEXT MATTERS

While some women do indeed give off signs of attraction, it’s important to maintain a degree of social awareness. In other words, context matters.

If your waitress at Hooters bends down to show you her cleavage, this probably doesn’t mean she wants to date you. It means she’s a waitress at Hooters and wants you to leave her a nice tip.

If you’re at the strip joint when a stripper struts on over, sits on your lap, and tells you that you’re cute, don’t be fooled into thinking she’s interested in getting to know you on a more intimate level. She’s probably more interested in taking your money.

If your barista smiles at you when you order your latte, odds are she doesn’t want to have your babies. It’s more likely that she’s just trying to provide good customer service.

Again, context matters. And even in the right context, men can easily misinterpret a woman’s interest level. Some women are just naturally more flirtatious than others. Some are more stand-offish. Some are more affectionate. This is why it’s so important to test for interest.

HOW TO TEST FOR INTEREST

If you’ve spent any amount of time reading old pickup and seduction material, then you know how ridiculous some of it is. Sure, much of this material helps men step outside their comfort zones – which is a good thing. But a lot of it reads like the assembly manual for a sizable piece of furniture from IKEA – an overly complex set of instructions that no human could ever possibly remember.

Approach her at a 60-degree angle. Use a functional, indirect, opinion opener. Speak at least one octave lower. Don’t forget to add a time constraint. Stand with one foot pointed at a 45-degree angle. Keep your hands out of your pockets but minimize the use of gestures. Use the Triangular Gazing Technique. Do a cold reading. Demonstrate higher value using “The Cube” or “The Mouse Race.” Do an Aura Reading but only after you’ve done a Cold Reading. Look for at least three Indicators of Interest. Neg her to create an emotional spike. Compliment her character, but don’t mention her looks. Maintain frame control. Touch her precisely halfway between her elbow and her wrist. Create at least one more emotional spike. Go for the number close. Wait no less than 84 hours before texting…

Huh?

Dr. Robert Glover, the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy and Dating Essentials for Men, teaches a much easier way to approach women and test for interest.

The beauty of what Dr. Glover teaches lies not just in the fact that it works, but also in its inherent simplicity. His method of testing for interest is nearly impossible to forget. And it allows you to either build attraction or get to rejection quickly.

It is refreshingly free of magic tricks, mind games, and other manipulative nonsense. It is also the foundation for nearly all social interaction. Test for interest everywhere you go with everyone you meet, and your life will unfold in ways you never thought possible. 

As Dr. Glover illustrates, there are three levels of testing for interest:

LEVEL 1: SOCIAL PLEASANTRIES

These are what make the world go round. They are the lubrication of everyday interaction. Most men are perfectly adept at exchanging social pleasantries in any given situation. That is, until they see a beautiful woman and their brains turn to mush.

Many men have self-limiting beliefs or toxic shame. So, they become bungling idiots in the presence of a beautiful woman. They try desperately to think of the right thing to say. But the right thing to say is what you would say to anyone else; because a beautiful woman is just like anyone else. She doesn’t sleep on a rainbow and sh*t chocolate sprinkles. She’s a flawed and imperfect human being. And your goal is simply to start a conversation. 

Make eye contact, smile, and utter words like ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ (both work surprisingly well). 

Ask her how her day is going. 

Compliment her.

Share an observation about your environment. 

For the love of God, mention the weather.   

It doesn’t matter. 

What matters is that you open your mouth and say something. Anything. Whatever comes to mind. This isn’t rocket science. You don’t need a magic pickup line (there isn’t one). You just need to find out if she is interested in having an interaction with you. 

Using an example from Dr. Glover, let’s say that you are in an elevator. The doors open, and an attractive woman steps in. She has her phone in her hand, as women often do. You greet her and ask her how her day is going.

If she smiles, offers an answer, and then asks you back, this is a sign of high interest. This is how you know if a woman is interested in you.

If she grumbles something without ever looking up from her phone, this is a sign of low interest. Don’t take it personally; you did nothing wrong. There are an infinite number of reasons why she has low interest. Move on with your life. It has nothing to do with you.

If she shows high interest, however, you can escalate to Level Two. 

LEVEL 2: CONVERSATION & COMMONALITIES

Here, you will continue the conversation as you would with anyone else. You might ask her where she’s from or what she does for a living. You’ll know she is interested in you because she will eagerly continue interacting with you. She will ask you questions, too. And you will discover areas of common interest.

If she shows low interest in continuing the interaction, that’s great. Don’t take it personally; you did nothing wrong. There are still an infinite number of reasons why she has low interest. Move on with your life. It has nothing to do with you. 

It’s worth noting that at this level, a woman will usually let you know – sometimes subtly – that she’s involved with a man. Some men get angry at this, which is both unnecessary and immature. Women aren’t stupid; they know why we’re talking to them. It is actually considerate of a woman to tell you that she is involved with a man, even if it’s not what you want to hear.  

That said, if a woman shows high interest at Level 2 and you are enjoying the interaction, you can escalate to Level 3. 

LEVEL 3: REQUIRING SOMETHING OF HER

By now, you should know if a woman is interested in you wants to continue to interact with you.  More importantly, you should know if you want to continue to interact with her.  If so, you should require something of her. Most commonly, this is a phone number. Sometimes, it’s an instant date.

Do not be vague at Level 3. Be bold and be specific. Most men don’t act boldly because they have a fear of rejection. But rejection doesn’t hurt. It fact, it’s not actually rejection. It’s merely low interest.

You might say something like, “Give me your number. I’ll call you and we’ll grab a drink next week.” This lets her know why you’re asking for her number.

If she gives you her number, then you know she’s interested in you. Call or text her right then and there so she has your number.

If she doesn’t want to give you her number, don’t take it personally. You did nothing wrong. Just say, “No worries, it was great meeting you.” You’ll still look like a confident and intriguing man. Then, move on with your life. 

YOU ONLY NEED TO OBSERVE ONE THING

While testing for interest, men tend to stumble the most when going from Level 2 to Level 3. They overthink. They get attached to a specific outcome. They let their anxiety take over. And they seek the woman’s approval, which is almost always the kiss of death.

When you are testing for interest, you are not trying to get anyone to like you. You are merely…you know…testing for interest.  

Again, Dr. Glover’s method of testing for interest is the foundation for all social interaction. It is how you create new friendships, new business partnerships, and new relationships. It is also the foundation for all sales. You only need to observe one thing – the other person’s perceived interest in having an interaction with you. 

SUMMARY

Remember, there are only three levels of testing a woman (or anyone) for interest:

1. Social Pleasantries
2. Conversation & Commonalities
3. Requiring Something of Her

That’s all you need to remember.

As you test for interest, be mindful of your tendency to overcomplicate and overanalyze. You’re looking for either low interest or high interest. That’s it. There is nothing in between. There is no gray area. There are no weird sub-levels. Keep it simple.

If a woman shows high interest, that’s great. Enjoy it and escalate.

If a woman shows low interest, that’s great, too. You found out what you needed to know. Don’t waste anymore of your time. Move on so you can interact with women who have high interest. 

The way others behave usually tells a story about them, not you. Taking their responses personally is what causes a lot of men to shut down. Don’t try to figure out why people do what they do. But test for interest everywhere you go, with everyone you meet – not just beautiful women.

Most of the people you meet either won’t be interested or won’t be available. That’s okay. And that’s life. Still, as Dr. Glover likes to say, “miracles happen around people.” If you don’t leave your house and test for interest, you’ll never experience any miracles.

If you want to master dating and relationships with support from an amazing tribe of men, Integrated Man University is just a click away. Get lifetime access when you join today!

Tony

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.

www.tonyendelman.com

The post How to Know if a Woman is Interested in You appeared first on The Integrated Man Cave.

And get ready, because some of this you may not want to hear. Then again, would you rather learn the hard way?

Dating Mistake #1: Moving Too Fast

While women may question your confidence – and put you in the friend zone – if you don’t keep things progressing, one of the biggest dating mistakes men make is moving too fast.

Yes, you should go in for the kiss and bring your sexual agenda to the table early on. This exudes confidence and lets the woman know you’re interested in her (and that you don’t just want to be buddies).

But many men move way too fast in other ways: They express their love way too quickly. They want to move in together way too soon. They pressure a woman into commitment before she is ready.

Moving too fast in these ways exhibits neediness, which is a huge turn off. It reeks of desperation. And it can be seriously overwhelming for the person you are dating.

How to Avoid It:

Relax. Take things slow and let the relationship develop naturally.

Remember the purpose of dating – which is to discover another person’s nature. As Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy likes to say, “go as slowly as possible to find out as quickly as possible what a person’s nature is.”

Focus on building a strong emotional connection and enjoying each other’s company. Consider the consequences of moving too fast.

Dating Mistake #2: Being Too Passive (or Too Nice)

This is not to suggest you should be overly aggressive or act like a jerk. But being to passive – or too much of a Nice Guy – does not create attraction. And it’s one of the most common dating mistakes.

Being too passive can include things like never making a decision, never making plans, always letting the other person decide, or never expressing your feelings. As mentioned previously, it can also include never making a move.

Being too passive will result in your partner thinking that you’re not interested or not invested in the relationship. Worse yet, she’ll think that you’re not confident.

Most women want a man who is confident, who steps up to the plate, who sets the tone and takes the lead.

How to Avoid It:

Take initiative. Be proactive. Make plans and suggest activities that you both enjoy. Express your feelings and be open about your intentions. Show your partner that you’re actually interested. Set the tone and take the lead.

Practice what Dr. Robert Glover calls The Three Ts. Touch, Tease, and Tell. (This means touch her, tease her, and tell her what to do to cultivate attraction). If you have an impulse – if you want to kiss her – just go for it!

Also, be sure to set boundaries. Don’t let anyone treat you badly. Don’t put up with intolerable behavior. Don’t let your partner walk all over you.

Dating Mistake #3: Not Listening

No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in – whether it’s your first date or your first wedding anniversary – don’t make the mistake of not listening to your partner.

Not listening can include things like interrupting your partner, not paying attention to their needs, or not showing any empathy. These kinds of things can make your partner feel unwanted and undervalued.

Not listening also leads to a serious breakdown in communication. And there’s nothing more important in a relationship than communication.

Additionally, many men – in particular Nice Guys – are fixers. They want to fix and solve a woman’s problems. So, instead of simply listening, they jump in and offer unsolicited advice. Even if you think you’re helping, this doesn’t feel good to a woman.

Women often just want you to listen. If you’re not actively listening, she’ll think you don’t care.

How to Avoid it:

Practice active listening. Pay attention to your partner’s needs. Show empathy and understanding when your partner is expressing their feelings.

Ask questions and show genuine interest in their life. When you actively listen, you will build a stronger emotional connection with your partner.

A good question to ask: Do you want my advice or do you just want me to listen?

Dating Mistake #4: Being Too Self-Centered

Right on the heels of not listening is being too self-centered. This is another common dating mistake many men make.

Being too self-centered can include things like only talking about yourself, never considering your partner’s needs, and never being willing to compromise.

This is not to suggest you shouldn’t consider your own needs or stand up for yourself. But a healthy relationship involves two individuals. And it’s crucial that you consider your partner’s needs. Compromise is necessary in intimate relationships.

Being too self-centered can make your partner feel unimportant and unloved.

How to Avoid it:

Practice empathy and consideration for your partner’s needs. Show interest in their life. Compromise when necessary. Communicate. This is what mature, healthy couples do.

Dating Mistake #5: Playing Games

Playing games is one of the more common dating mistakes men make, particularly in the early stages of dating. Of course, women play games too (A LOT). But this is about you, not them.

While there is something to be said for being a little mysterious to create attraction, there’s no reason to play games. It’s immature. And it can lead to a lot of problems down the road.

Playing games can include things like waiting a certain amount of hours to text back, intentionally making your partner jealous, or using manipulation tactics to get what you want.

Playing games only creates an atmosphere of distrust. And again, this leads to serious problems down the road.

How to Avoid It:

Again, there is something to be said for being a little mysterious to create attraction. But you don’t need to play games. So, just forget about playing games. If you play games, you’ll only attract a partner who plays games, too.

Be honest and transparent in your intentions. Communicate clearly.

Show your partner that you respect them. This is how you build trust and create a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Cheesy

Being funny is one thing, but being cheesy is another. And cheesy is okay in very small doses. But many men are way too cheesy, especially early on in a relationship. (This is probably due in part to the messages we receive from cheesy romantic comedy movies).

Save the cheese for when you’re married. Being too cheesy in the early stages of dating can be a massive turn-off.

This can include things like using lame pick-up lines, giving excessive compliments, or making grand romantic gestures. Showing up at a woman’s house with flowers may work in the movies but it doesn’t work in real life. It can actually come across as needy and creepy.

How to Avoid It:

Just don’t do it. Instead of relying on cheesy pick-up lines, try to strike up a genuine conversation with your date. Compliment your date when appropriate, but don’t overdo it.

And definitely don’t show up at a woman’s house uninvited. There’s a reason you only see that in movies.

Again, save the cheese for when your married (or at least when you’ve been in a committed relationship with someone for a long time).

Dating Mistake #7: Being Too Needy

Eluded to earlier, this isn’t just one of the most common dating mistakes; it may just be the ultimate turn-off.

Neediness is a clear sign that you are insecure and unconfident. Women are not attracted to neediness.

Being too needy can include things like blowing up your date’s phone with messages, constantly asking for another date, or throwing a temper tantrum when things don’t go your way. Again, these kinds of things are the ultimate turn-off, and they are sure to send a woman running for the hills.

How to Avoid It:

Remind yourself that dating is a process and that building a connection takes time. Give your date space and time to get to know you. Don’t pester them.

Keep your expectations in check. Let go of attachment to outcome.

Most importantly, get a life. When you have a rich and fulfilling life – friends, hobbies, etc. – you won’t be so needy. You’ll also come across as more attractive.

In Conclusion:

Indeed, modern dating can be frustrating. But why not set yourself up for success?

By avoiding common mistakes, you can improve your chances of finding a really great partner. By taking things slow, being proactive, listening, being considerate, avoiding games, and by not being too needy, you can build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

Remember, dating is about discovering another person’s nature and building a connection. This takes time. And it takes consciousness.

Focus on truly getting to know a person, but don’t lose yourself.

As Dr. Robert Glover likes to say, “Invite a woman to be the icing on your great cake of a life.”

If you want to master dating and relationships with support from an amazing tribe of men, Integrated Man University is just a click away. Get lifetime access when you join today!

Tony

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.

www.tonyendelman.com

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