Is Toxic Masculinity a Myth? It’s Not as Simple as You Think

You’ve likely come across the term “toxic masculinity” while browsing the internet. At first, it might seem straightforward, but there’s more complexity to it than meets the eye. In fact, it’s become a topic of heated debate. Some people are even questioning whether toxic masculinity is real or just a myth.

So, is toxic masculinity a myth?

Let’s explore the origins of the term, unpack the controversy around it, and examine why a shift in how we talk about it might be necessary.

What Is Toxic Masculinity?

Toxic masculinity is a collection of beliefs and behaviors that society has pressured men into adopting to establish their “manliness.” These social guidelines usually have a negative impact on women, society, and sometimes even other men. 

Toxic masculinity has three core ideas:

Toughness: Men should always be physically superior and emotionally cold.

Anti-femininity: Men should not exhibit feminine behavior, like expressing emotions and asking for help.

Power: Men should always have money and status to gain the respect of others.

Signs of Toxic Masculinity

Now that you understand the premise of toxic masculinity, let’s explore a few examples of toxic behavior to give you a better idea.

Always Seeking Control

Toxic masculinity always prompts men to assert their dominance, especially over women, creating unhealthy power dynamics where they’re in control. You might have seen this in the workplace, but it’s more common in domestic relationships.

How? A 2017 study found that 34% of American males thought that men should always have the final say in decisions in relationships and marriages. 46% of the participants felt that the man deserves to know his wife’s/girlfriend’s whereabouts all the time.

Of course, these same men would never approve of their wives asking them where they are all the time. Hence the unhealthy power dynamics.

Sexual Aggression

Masculine ideals encourage men to believe that they’re entitled to women’s bodies. That’s why those who follow that ideology are more likely to commit sexual assault/harassment.

Refusing to Do House Chores

Men who adopt toxic masculinity adhere to traditional gender roles, where they’re the breadwinners and their partners are the caretakers. That’s why they usually refuse to help with household duties, like cleaning, cooking, or doing laundry, thinking it’s “women’s work.”

In “The Man Box” study, 22% of American men believed that husbands shouldn’t have to do household chores. 44% believed that men should be the ones to provide for the family, not women. 28% thought boys shouldn’t learn to cook, clean, or sew.

Why Do Some People Think Toxic Masculinity Is a Myth?

Reading this previous section, you’re probably thinking: “If toxic masculinity is that prominent, how come some people think it’s a myth?”

Well, “myth” doesn’t necessarily imply that it doesn’t exist. It just means that the term and its implications should be different than how society perceives them. What does that mean?

Inaccurate Label

People often use “toxic masculinity” to refer to a man who exhibits any of the previously explored behaviors. The emphasis here is on the word “behaviors.”

You see, the association between masculinity and toxicity has made a lot of people understand that masculinity is inherently harmful, which isn’t even remotely true. In its essence, masculinity is all about honesty, hard work, and integrity.

It has nothing to do with toxicity. Anyone can exhibit toxic behaviors, even women. 

However, many argue that associating toxicity with men makes “toxic masculinity” an inaccurate, unfair label. A better term would be “toxic behavior,” which is more gender-neutral and inclusive.

Here’s an example: When Peggy Orenstein was interviewing adolescent boys for her book Boys and Sex, she often asked them what they liked about being boys. Interestingly, most of them couldn’t give her an answer.

One of them even told her: “I never really thought about that. You hear a lot more about what is wrong with guys.” Ultimately, you can see that the term toxic masculinity has caused boys to believe there’s something inherently wrong with them.

Loose Definition 

As you can see, toxic masculinity includes a clear set of behaviors/ideals. So, it’s easy to define, right? Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.

The term started as a way to pinpoint men’s harmful tendencies. However, it’s broadened significantly over the past few years to include behaviors that not everyone would deem toxic.

In other words, toxic masculinity has become a loose term that refers to any behavior men exhibit that others may disapprove of. Of course, this doesn’t apply to all behaviors.

Sexual violence and excess aggression are definitely toxic, but competitiveness, for example, isn’t inherently harmful.

Who’s to say? And that’s the underlying issue. Toxic masculinity isn’t always defined in an objective way.

A Mask for Fragility

How many times have you seen one of your guy friends hide their real emotions under a mask of rage and aggression? As much as society loves to villainize them, men can be as weak, lonely, scared, and confused as anyone else.

However, since they were taught not to show emotions from a young age, they choose to hide their vulnerabilities behind stoicism and toughness.

While that doesn’t justify many of the extreme, harmful behaviors they indulge in, it might offer a new perspective on the origin of toxic masculinity.

Should We Call Toxic Masculinity Out?

Is toxic masculinity a good description of all the previously discussed behaviors? No. Should that prevent society from condemning and calling toxic masculinity out? No, and here’s why:

Promotes Mental Health

Like women, men experience anxiety, depression, trauma, and various other mental health issues. In fact, men are more likely to commit suicide than women.

However, since they adhere to the norms of toxic masculinity, they often refrain from talking about their issues, thinking they should “man up” and move on.

Condemning that behavior allows them to break free from the suffocating shackles of society and express themselves.

Creates a Safer Space

Hegemonic masculinity encourages men to be violent and aggressive, not just toward women but toward each other. However, by calling that violent behavior out, we’d be paving the way for a much safer space, whether at home, work, or on the streets.

Positive Social Change

Toxic masculinity is one of the main pillars of the struggle between men and women. Combating this ideology can help pave the way for positive change.

How to Shift the Narrative Surrounding Toxic Masculinity 

While condemning toxic masculinity can help solve some of the gender issues society is facing today, it’s not always the most effective way to go about it. After all, throwing accusations can easily intensify the struggle further.

So, what can we do? Well, a shift in narrative would be a good start. What does that mean?

Call for an Open Dialogue

We all want to call out people who exhibit toxic behavior, but sometimes, what people really need is to have a civilized discussion.

So, leave all the hostility and aggression out the door and work to create a comfortable space where people can express their thoughts without judgment. 

Educate People about Gender

No matter how much you talk about the damage toxic masculinity brings to society, you’ll never get anywhere unless you educate people, especially children, about gender and gender roles.

Discuss classic stereotypes and help others understand how they create unbalanced power dynamics in favor of men. Yes, women have been at it for years, and yes, it’ll take a bit more time. Luckily, though, we live in the age of the internet.

Communication has never been easier. So, don’t be afraid to use your social platforms to convey your ideas to the world. That’s what they’re made for in the first place.

Break the Stigma

If educating people about gender roles is the coffin of toxic masculinity, breaking the stigma is the final nail in the coffin. Breaking the stigma refers to helping men who adhere to toxic norms connect with their emotional side.

It encourages them to talk about their struggles and mental health issues without bottling their feelings up, allowing them to form healthy relationships with their family and peers – not to mention themselves.

Be a Role Model

As effective as the previous steps are, they might not give you the results you want. After all, a lot of men grow up knowing nothing but toxic masculinity.

So, they might be hesitant to break out of that attitude. That’s why you should start with yourself.

Whether you’re a man or a woman, when you break out of the traditional norms set for your gender, you push those around you to do the same. Eventually, men will understand how limiting the ideals they’ve held tight are.

Wrapping Up

So, is toxic masculinity a myth? There isn’t a definitive answer to that question. Yes, men exhibit toxic behaviors, but what defines toxicity in the first place?

Of course, aggression and sexual violence are unacceptable. But the term has gotten too loose these past few years that it includes characteristics that some may not find toxic.

Ultimately, whether you think toxic masculinity is a myth or not, you can’t successfully combat aggression with aggression. You want to be smart, encouraging, and empathetic.