It’s natural to feel anxious about your past relationships, especially your very first love. In fact, your first love can be a significant emotional experience and can impact your current relationship. 

That said, whether or not a man forgets his first love, and how it affects his current relationship, largely depends on his emotional maturity, his feelings towards his partner, and how he’s dealt with his past.

Can a Man Forget His First Love After Marriage?

The concept of “forgetting” a first love is complex. 

While a first love might leave a strong imprint due to its novelty and emotional depth, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it will linger in the same form or intensity throughout a man’s life. 

Some very romantic relationships can fade away from your memory as time passes, even if strong feelings are involved.

Here are a few possibilities:

1. Men Who Forget Their First Love

Some men do “forget” their first love in the sense that the emotional connection tied to that experience fades completely over time. 

Life progresses, new relationships form, and deeper connections develop with a new partner. These men often view their first love as a part of their past that no longer holds emotional significance.

Happy Teenage Couple Smiling and Having Fun at the Park

Example: Take a man who was in love as a teenager or young adult. The feelings of excitement were real but based on a less mature understanding of relationships. As he grows, he might come to view that relationship as part of his formative years rather than something that defines him—it only reminds him of a simpler time now.

By the time he gets married, his bond with his spouse far outweighs any lingering memory of his first love.

2. Men Who Don’t Forget but Move On

For some men, first love is unforgettable, but that doesn’t mean it affects their present life or other healthy relationships. 

They might carry fond memories of that person, but it’s more of a nostalgic, reflective thought rather than something that interferes with their current relationship.

Example: A man may still remember the lessons and experiences from his first love, but he recognizes that those feelings belong to his past. These men move on emotionally and are fully invested in their spouses. 

The memory of their first love is not a threat but simply a piece of their personal history. In fact, the ability to reflect on the past without letting it cloud the present shows emotional maturity.

3. Men Who Don’t Forget and Struggle to Let Go

In some cases, men may have a harder time letting go of their first love, which can create complications in their marriage. This might happen if the first love ended abruptly, wasn’t fully processed, or if he hasn’t emotionally moved on.

Example: A man who still holds onto unprocessed feelings for his first love may struggle in his marriage. If he continually compares his spouse to that first relationship, or if he harbors “what if” scenarios in his mind, it can create emotional distance between him and his partner. 

Over time, this might lead to dissatisfaction or even resentment, not because of any fault in the current relationship, but because of unresolved issues from his past.

What a First Love Means to Men

For many men, their first love represents an introduction to deep emotional vulnerability. It’s often intense because it’s new, and even though that experience can leave a mark, the majority of men grow from it. 

With maturity, they realize that real love is built over time, with mutual respect, trust, and partnership.

Emotional maturity allows men to reflect on their first love without being tied to it emotionally. They use the experience to better understand relationships and what they want from a life partner.

Attachment styles play a role too. If a man is securely attached, he’ll be less likely to hold on to a past relationship, as he feels more confident and fulfilled in the present. 

In contrast, men with anxious or avoidant attachment styles might cling to past memories, which can complicate their current relationships.

When Should You Be Worried?

If thoughts of your first love are beginning to interfere with your current relationship, that’s a red flag. Here are some signs that this might be a problem, especially for married couples:

Unhappy Couple with relationship problems
  • You find yourself comparing your current partner to your first love. If you’re constantly thinking about how things were with your ex, it’s impossible to fully appreciate what you have now.
  • You’re not emotionally present. If your mind often drifts to your past relationship, it might be preventing you from truly connecting with your current partner.
  • You’re fantasizing about “what could have been.” If you’re often replaying scenarios or wondering what life would be like with your first love, that’s a sign you haven’t let go.

If any of these ring true, it’s time to take a step back and really evaluate what’s going on.

Related: Relationship in Distress? Your Roadmap to Repair & Reconnection

How to Deal with Being Stuck on Your First Love

If you’re sensing that being stuck on your first love is ruining your current relationship, here’s how to deal with it:

  • Recognize that your first love is a past experience, not your future. It’s easy to romanticize the past, but it’s also crucial to remember that things ended for a reason. Even though the feelings were intense, your first love is a part of your personal history—not your present or future. 
  • Stop comparing. Every relationship is different. Comparing your current partner to your first love is unfair to both of you. Your first relationship may have been exciting and new, but with time, you grow and evolve. Focus on the unique aspects of your current partner, and remember that love deepens with emotional maturity.
  • Talk to someone. Sometimes, you need an outside perspective to process your emotions. Whether it’s a friend, a therapist, a support group, or even your partner (if the time is right), opening up about what you’re going through can help release some of the emotional baggage you’ve been holding onto.
  • Invest in your current relationship. The best way to move forward is to fully immerse yourself in your current relationship. Build new experiences, memories, and bonds with your partner. Emotional closeness comes from being present and engaged, and the more you do that, the more your past will start to fade.

Final Words

If, after reflection and effort, you find that you still can’t let go of your first love, you might need to reconsider your current relationship. It’s not fair to you or your partner to be in a relationship where your heart isn’t fully invested.

On the other hand, if you want to be with your current partner, you need to actively work on releasing the past.