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Let’s face facts. Modern dating can be supremely frustrating, especially if you’re not sure what you’re doing. It can be exhausting and time-consuming and leave you completely deflated. But by simply avoiding some common dating mistakes, you can improve your chances of success. So, let’s explore some of the most common dating mistakes men make and how to avoid them.
And get ready, because some of this you may not want to hear. Then again, would you rather learn the hard way?
Dating Mistake #1: Moving Too Fast
While women may question your confidence – and put you in the friend zone – if you don’t keep things progressing, one of the biggest dating mistakes men make is moving too fast.
Yes, you should go in for the kiss and bring your sexual agenda to the table early on. This exudes confidence and lets the woman know you’re interested in her (and that you don’t just want to be buddies).
But many men move way too fast in other ways: They express their love way too quickly. They want to move in together way too soon. They pressure a woman into commitment before she is ready.
Moving too fast in these ways exhibits neediness, which is a huge turn off. It reeks of desperation. And it can be seriously overwhelming for the person you are dating.
How to Avoid It:
Relax. Take things slow and let the relationship develop naturally.
Remember the purpose of dating – which is to discover another person’s nature. As Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy likes to say, “go as slowly as possible to find out as quickly as possible what a person’s nature is.”
Focus on building a strong emotional connection and enjoying each other’s company. Consider the consequences of moving too fast.
Dating Mistake #2: Being Too Passive (or Too Nice)
This is not to suggest you should be overly aggressive or act like a jerk. But being to passive – or too much of a Nice Guy – does not create attraction. And it’s one of the most common dating mistakes.
Being too passive can include things like never making a decision, never making plans, always letting the other person decide, or never expressing your feelings. As mentioned previously, it can also include never making a move.
Being too passive will result in your partner thinking that you’re not interested or not invested in the relationship. Worse yet, she’ll think that you’re not confident.
Most women want a man who is confident, who steps up to the plate, who sets the tone and takes the lead.
How to Avoid It:
Take initiative. Be proactive. Make plans and suggest activities that you both enjoy. Express your feelings and be open about your intentions. Show your partner that you’re actually interested. Set the tone and take the lead.
Practice what Dr. Robert Glover calls The Three Ts. Touch, Tease, and Tell. (This means touch her, tease her, and tell her what to do to cultivate attraction). If you have an impulse – if you want to kiss her – just go for it!
Also, be sure to set boundaries. Don’t let anyone treat you badly. Don’t put up with intolerable behavior. Don’t let your partner walk all over you.
Dating Mistake #3: Not Listening
No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in – whether it’s your first date or your first wedding anniversary – don’t make the mistake of not listening to your partner.
Not listening can include things like interrupting your partner, not paying attention to their needs, or not showing any empathy. These kinds of things can make your partner feel unwanted and undervalued.
Not listening also leads to a serious breakdown in communication. And there’s nothing more important in a relationship than communication.
Additionally, many men – in particular Nice Guys – are fixers. They want to fix and solve a woman’s problems. So, instead of simply listening, they jump in and offer unsolicited advice. Even if you think you’re helping, this doesn’t feel good to a woman.
Women often just want you to listen. If you’re not actively listening, she’ll think you don’t care.
How to Avoid it:
Practice active listening. Pay attention to your partner’s needs. Show empathy and understanding when your partner is expressing their feelings.
Ask questions and show genuine interest in their life. When you actively listen, you will build a stronger emotional connection with your partner.
A good question to ask: Do you want my advice or do you just want me to listen?
Dating Mistake #4: Being Too Self-Centered
Right on the heels of not listening is being too self-centered. This is another common dating mistake many men make.
Being too self-centered can include things like only talking about yourself, never considering your partner’s needs, and never being willing to compromise.
This is not to suggest you shouldn’t consider your own needs or stand up for yourself. But a healthy relationship involves two individuals. And it’s crucial that you consider your partner’s needs. Compromise is necessary in intimate relationships.
Being too self-centered can make your partner feel unimportant and unloved.
How to Avoid it:
Practice empathy and consideration for your partner’s needs. Show interest in their life. Compromise when necessary. Communicate. This is what mature, healthy couples do.
Dating Mistake #5: Playing Games
Playing games is one of the more common dating mistakes men make, particularly in the early stages of dating. Of course, women play games too (A LOT). But this is about you, not them.
While there is something to be said for being a little mysterious to create attraction, there’s no reason to play games. It’s immature. And it can lead to a lot of problems down the road.
Playing games can include things like waiting a certain amount of hours to text back, intentionally making your partner jealous, or using manipulation tactics to get what you want.
Playing games only creates an atmosphere of distrust. And again, this leads to serious problems down the road.
How to Avoid It:
Again, there is something to be said for being a little mysterious to create attraction. But you don’t need to play games. So, just forget about playing games. If you play games, you’ll only attract a partner who plays games, too.
Be honest and transparent in your intentions. Communicate clearly.
Show your partner that you respect them. This is how you build trust and create a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Cheesy
Being funny is one thing, but being cheesy is another. And cheesy is okay in very small doses. But many men are way too cheesy, especially early on in a relationship. (This is probably due in part to the messages we receive from cheesy romantic comedy movies).
Save the cheese for when you’re married. Being too cheesy in the early stages of dating can be a massive turn-off.
This can include things like using lame pick-up lines, giving excessive compliments, or making grand romantic gestures. Showing up at a woman’s house with flowers may work in the movies but it doesn’t work in real life. It can actually come across as needy and creepy.
How to Avoid It:
Just don’t do it. Instead of relying on cheesy pick-up lines, try to strike up a genuine conversation with your date. Compliment your date when appropriate, but don’t overdo it.
And definitely don’t show up at a woman’s house uninvited. There’s a reason you only see that in movies.
Again, save the cheese for when your married (or at least when you’ve been in a committed relationship with someone for a long time).
Dating Mistake #7: Being Too Needy
Eluded to earlier, this isn’t just one of the most common dating mistakes; it may just be the ultimate turn-off.
Neediness is a clear sign that you are insecure and unconfident. Women are not attracted to neediness.
Being too needy can include things like blowing up your date’s phone with messages, constantly asking for another date, or throwing a temper tantrum when things don’t go your way. Again, these kinds of things are the ultimate turn-off, and they are sure to send a woman running for the hills.
How to Avoid It:
Remind yourself that dating is a process and that building a connection takes time. Give your date space and time to get to know you. Don’t pester them.
Keep your expectations in check. Let go of attachment to outcome.
Most importantly, get a life. When you have a rich and fulfilling life – friends, hobbies, etc. – you won’t be so needy. You’ll also come across as more attractive.
Indeed, modern dating can be frustrating. But why not set yourself up for success?
By avoiding common mistakes, you can improve your chances of finding a really great partner. By taking things slow, being proactive, listening, being considerate, avoiding games, and by not being too needy, you can build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
Remember, dating is about discovering another person’s nature and building a connection. This takes time. And it takes consciousness.
Focus on truly getting to know a person, but don’t lose yourself.
As Dr. Robert Glover likes to say, “Invite a woman to be the icing on your great cake of a life.”
If you want to master dating and relationships with support from an amazing tribe of men, Integrated Man University is just a click away. Get lifetime access when you join today!
Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.