The average man has a hard time figuring out whether or not a woman is interested in going on a date with him. Personally, I grew up with the core belief that I was unattractive. So, I always assumed that women were looking at with me with disgust, not lust.
If a woman is interested in you, she will likely give off some subtle hints. If you’re lucky, she’ll be up front about it. But most women don’t hold up a sign that says: Hey Jackass, Ask Me Out!
It’s your job to recognize the subtle hints that women drop. More importantly, though, it’s your job to test for interest and take bold action. So, let’s dive in.
SUBTLE SIGNS SHE’S INTERESTED IN YOU
It’s easy to pooh-pooh the idea that women give off signs (or indicators) of interest. A lot of this comes from old pickup material that now seems ridiculous.
But research suggests that women really do send signals of attraction. In fact, psychologist Monica Moore studied over 200 women in common social settings and discovered 52 things they do when they’re attracted to a man. Of those 52 things, these are the top 10:
- Smiling at you
- Shooting short glances your way
- Prolonged eye contact
- Running fingers through her hair
- Licking her lips
- Exposing her neck
- Tilting her heads towards you
- Turning in her seat towards you
- Lightly touching you on the arm or shoulder
- Laughing when you talk
Of the list above, Moore observed that the most common signals are smiling, repeated short glances, and prolonged eye contact.
While some women do indeed give off signs of attraction, it’s important to maintain a degree of social awareness. In other words, context matters.
If your waitress at Hooters bends down to show you her cleavage, this probably doesn’t mean she wants to date you. It means she’s a waitress at Hooters and wants you to leave her a nice tip.
If you’re at the strip joint when a stripper struts on over, sits on your lap, and tells you that you’re cute, don’t be fooled into thinking she’s interested in getting to know you on a more intimate level. She’s probably more interested in taking your money.
If your barista smiles at you when you order your latte, odds are she doesn’t want to have your babies. It’s more likely that she’s just trying to provide good customer service.
Again, context matters. And even in the right context, men can easily misinterpret a woman’s interest level. Some women are just naturally more flirtatious than others. Some are more stand-offish. Some are more affectionate. This is why it’s so important to test for interest.
HOW TO TEST FOR INTEREST
If you’ve spent any amount of time reading old pickup and seduction material, then you know how ridiculous some of it is. Sure, much of this material helps men step outside their comfort zones – which is a good thing. But a lot of it reads like the assembly manual for a sizable piece of furniture from IKEA – an overly complex set of instructions that no human could ever possibly remember.
Approach her at a 60-degree angle. Use a functional, indirect, opinion opener. Speak at least one octave lower. Don’t forget to add a time constraint. Stand with one foot pointed at a 45-degree angle. Keep your hands out of your pockets but minimize the use of gestures. Use the Triangular Gazing Technique. Do a cold reading. Demonstrate higher value using “The Cube” or “The Mouse Race.” Do an Aura Reading but only after you’ve done a Cold Reading. Look for at least three Indicators of Interest. Neg her to create an emotional spike. Compliment her character, but don’t mention her looks. Maintain frame control. Touch her precisely halfway between her elbow and her wrist. Create at least one more emotional spike. Go for the number close. Wait no less than 84 hours before texting…
The beauty of what Dr. Glover teaches lies not just in the fact that it works, but also in its inherent simplicity. His method of testing for interest is nearly impossible to forget. And it allows you to either build attraction or get to rejection quickly.
It is refreshingly free of magic tricks, mind games, and other manipulative nonsense. It is also the foundation for nearly all social interaction. Test for interest everywhere you go with everyone you meet, and your life will unfold in ways you never thought possible.
As Dr. Glover illustrates, there are three levels of testing for interest:
LEVEL 1: SOCIAL PLEASANTRIES
These are what make the world go round. They are the lubrication of everyday interaction. Most men are perfectly adept at exchanging social pleasantries in any given situation. That is, until they see a beautiful woman and their brains turn to mush.
Many men have self-limiting beliefs or toxic shame. So, they become bungling idiots in the presence of a beautiful woman. They try desperately to think of the right thing to say. But the right thing to say is what you would say to anyone else; because a beautiful woman is just like anyone else. She doesn’t sleep on a rainbow and sh*t chocolate sprinkles. She’s a flawed and imperfect human being. And your goal is simply to start a conversation.
Make eye contact, smile, and utter words like ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ (both work surprisingly well).
Ask her how her day is going.
Share an observation about your environment.
For the love of God, mention the weather.
It doesn’t matter.
What matters is that you open your mouth and say something. Anything. Whatever comes to mind. This isn’t rocket science. You don’t need a magic pickup line (there isn’t one). You just need to find out if she is interested in having an interaction with you.
Using an example from Dr. Glover, let’s say that you are in an elevator. The doors open, and an attractive woman steps in. She has her phone in her hand, as women often do. You greet her and ask her how her day is going.
If she smiles, offers an answer, and then asks you back, this is a sign of high interest. This is how you know if a woman is interested in you.
If she grumbles something without ever looking up from her phone, this is a sign of low interest. Don’t take it personally; you did nothing wrong. There are an infinite number of reasons why she has low interest. Move on with your life. It has nothing to do with you.
If she shows high interest, however, you can escalate to Level Two.
LEVEL 2: CONVERSATION & COMMONALITIES
Here, you will continue the conversation as you would with anyone else. You might ask her where she’s from or what she does for a living. You’ll know she is interested in you because she will eagerly continue interacting with you. She will ask you questions, too. And you will discover areas of common interest.
If she shows low interest in continuing the interaction, that’s great. Don’t take it personally; you did nothing wrong. There are still an infinite number of reasons why she has low interest. Move on with your life. It has nothing to do with you.
It’s worth noting that at this level, a woman will usually let you know – sometimes subtly – that she’s involved with a man. Some men get angry at this, which is both unnecessary and immature. Women aren’t stupid; they know why we’re talking to them. It is actually considerate of a woman to tell you that she is involved with a man, even if it’s not what you want to hear.
That said, if a woman shows high interest at Level 2 and you are enjoying the interaction, you can escalate to Level 3.
LEVEL 3: REQUIRING SOMETHING OF HER
By now, you should know if a woman is interested in you wants to continue to interact with you. More importantly, you should know if you want to continue to interact with her. If so, you should require something of her. Most commonly, this is a phone number. Sometimes, it’s an instant date.
Do not be vague at Level 3. Be bold and be specific. Most men don’t act boldly because they have a fear of rejection. But rejection doesn’t hurt. It fact, it’s not actually rejection. It’s merely low interest.
You might say something like, “Give me your number. I’ll call you and we’ll grab a drink next week.” This lets her know why you’re asking for her number.
If she gives you her number, then you know she’s interested in you. Call or text her right then and there so she has your number.
If she doesn’t want to give you her number, don’t take it personally. You did nothing wrong. Just say, “No worries, it was great meeting you.” You’ll still look like a confident and intriguing man. Then, move on with your life.
YOU ONLY NEED TO OBSERVE ONE THING
While testing for interest, men tend to stumble the most when going from Level 2 to Level 3. They overthink. They get attached to a specific outcome. They let their anxiety take over. And they seek the woman’s approval, which is almost always the kiss of death.
When you are testing for interest, you are not trying to get anyone to like you. You are merely…you know…testing for interest.
Again, Dr. Glover’s method of testing for interest is the foundation for all social interaction. It is how you create new friendships, new business partnerships, and new relationships. It is also the foundation for all sales. You only need to observe one thing – the other person’s perceived interest in having an interaction with you.
Remember, there are only three levels of testing a woman (or anyone) for interest:
- Social Pleasantries
- Conversation & Commonalities
- Requiring Something of Her
That’s all you need to remember.
As you test for interest, be mindful of your tendency to overcomplicate and overanalyze. You’re looking for either low interest or high interest. That’s it. There is nothing in between. There is no gray area. There are no weird sub-levels. Keep it simple.
If a woman shows high interest, that’s great. Enjoy it and escalate.
If a woman shows low interest, that’s great, too. You found out what you needed to know. Don’t waste anymore of your time. Move on so you can interact with women who have high interest.
The way others behave usually tells a story about them, not you. Taking their responses personally is what causes a lot of men to shut down. Don’t try to figure out why people do what they do. But test for interest everywhere you go, with everyone you meet – not just beautiful women.
Most of the people you meet either won’t be interested or won’t be available. That’s okay. And that’s life. Still, as Dr. Glover likes to say, “miracles happen around people.” If you don’t leave your house and test for interest, you’ll never experience any miracles.
If you want to master dating and relationships with support from an amazing tribe of men, Integrated Man University is just a click away. Get lifetime access when you join today!
Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, certified transformational life coach, certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Coach and the founder of The Integrated Man Cave.